Feeling so screwed up

[Belle]

Hello all .only joined last week and for the responses I got thankyou .as I stated I live with my abuser a
Though not in a realtionsship Amy more .we more or less lead separate lives and don’t bother with each other .as you can imagine it’s a horrible way to live all picture no sound but I’m not in a position finacially to leave .this is his house but my home if that makes sense .whiost I have known a very long time that he is an abuser and that what he put me through over the years was wrong very wrong I’m all over the place now as I know he going out seeing other women and I’m sitting st home alone .this is the man that has scarred my physically emotionally so much so that I would struggle to talk about it .yet I’m jealous and obeseesed in trying to figure out what he is up to and who he is seen .im in a constant state of anxiety when he not here imagining all sorts .i should be happy that he out of my space and not interfering with me but I feel empty .i feel as if I’m going to be stuck in this rut for a long time to come and whilst I imagine myself finding a job and moving out someday I seem powerless to actually take a step ,he has been my life for so long .i look at other people in general and I dream to be like them which I know isn’t right cos none of us know what’s going on in anyone else’s life .ive always been a good loyal decent human being yet I’m hooked on the worst excuse of a man I can imagine .has he really screwed me up that much .sorry for the long rant but had to get this off my chest .life is slipping by me my kids are growing up fast and I will end up old and alone whilst he out charming other women .ahhh

[Jupiter]

Hi Belle

Just read your post now and wanted to say you are not alone in this horrible situation.It sounds as if you need to do something soon to improve your life and health. Do you have any support eg womens aid? When you have been badly abused you find it difficult to make plans so please find help through WA or your GP or a womens centre if there is one near you. Once you take positive action you will feel better because you are no longer in a trap, with others at your side.
Once your life changes for the better, you will make a decent future for yourself as a caring person but your ex probably wont as a damaging abuser because any women he meets will find out who he really is and leave.
You have the chance of a good life ahead of you, so all you need to do now is decide to reach out for some effective support.
Jupiter x

[fizzylem]

Hi Belle, reckon this is a normal reaction – if you were not living with him chances are you wouldn’t even know about this; it’s in your face right now and hard to deal with, it will certainly stir things up for you again and forces you to think about things you don’t really want to think about hey, wondering if its making you confront the loss of the relationship you longed to have (but never got) for such a long time? Its so so hard to try and focus on you when this is occurring when that is what you need to do, awful situation Belle, yes echo Jupiter, try to get some support and get out of there x

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