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I’ve been working all day I was tired. Husband has the weekend off. (detail removed by Moderator) I said I would like to have an early dinner as I was knackered.
Anyway he fell asleep (detail removed by Moderator) and I ended up cooking dinner. Everything was ready to go in the oven at (detail removed by Moderator) when he walks into the kitchen saying (detail removed by Moderator) but oh no he made a big deal about that as well. On his way out he hit the door closed. I’m so tired of all these episodes it’s stressing me out. He makes it out like I’m in the wrong and I’m at the end of my tether with it all. I’m working tomorrow and I’ve had no proper down time and yet I still don’t have the courage to leave it’s ridiculous! Thanks for reading -
Be gentle on yourself and don’t beat yourself up. It’s very hard to leave and you’ll do it in your own time.
My ex had also hit walls, and doors, and had smashed things. Not all the time, but it still happened when he yelled. It’s frightening. I used to shake but acted often as though it had never happened. I now understand this to be part of fight, flight, freeze, a coping mechanism.Can you seek counselling? You can ask your Gp, there will be a wait list, or you can go private, or if you have health insurance, sessions may be covered. This may help you. Counselling really supported me. I really struggled with all his coercive, controlling, gaslighting behaviours. Counselling helped me.
Remember though, it’s not about you, it’s about him and the way he responds to and sees people and the world that’s the issue. -
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That sounds so hard. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s so difficult because with kids you have to be so careful about what you say to them. They also absorb things like sponges and due to not understanding the sheer complexity of such adult and abusive situations, they may choose to believe something which is not right and also maybe they’ve been manipulated into doing so.
My ex has said to our kids stuff which is absolute c**p, it made me so angry and I often feel like I have a noose round my neck when he says them. At first the kids kind of recognised it but still believed a bit, but now they’re astute to it and know that he lies. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to see him. Sometimes they don’t want to see him or speak to him, but kids also live and the here and now. So your son may believe your partner and blame you, however, this won’t always be the case.
Your partner sounds very manipulative like my ex who also blew hot and cold and I was on a constant high and low confused state.
Stick with the counselling; hold what you know is true; and have a strong supportive network around you who recognise the gaslighting and lies for what they are and call it out. -
Absolutely feel for you and it is scary at times. I’ve had my worst escalation so far recently where he threw things and was waving around an object in his hand that just freaked me out. The door slamming and the outbursts are designed to make us do what they want and it’s horrendous. It just makes me feel “how dare they”. It’s (detail removed by Moderator) ago and my heart rate is still elevated. I’ve developed stress related incontinence so as well as being in the midst of trying to manage the situation I also have to keep it together not to wet myself!
Today I get to do my best in quite a big job role where you can’t just be off form. Work are absolutely brilliant but it really isn’t their problem that this is ongoing and affecting my every day.
When you are ready, I’m sure you will gather the strength to move on. I’ve found it’s easy for well meaning friends to say just go now but they won’t k ow how hard it is. Little by little I’m getting there and was the closest I’ve ever been to going for extra help so nearly there now.
Hope you have a better day.
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