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    • #147938
      Daff
      Participant

      I’ve been out of the relationship for a while now but there are still reasons that contact is needed even though its through a 3rd party. When he wants something there’s always something in that message of why it isn’t his fault, that’s something has happened, something needs to change. Along with a reason to feel sorry for him. Does this ever stop?
      It’s something I didn’t see in the relationship something that was used and I ended up doing things I was uncomfortable with. Weeks go by with nothing and there’s something every day.

    • #148093
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Daff,

      Unfortunately this inability to take personal responsibility is typical with abusers and it’s not something that he’s likely to choose to change. However, I want to highlight how positive it is that you’ve recognised his pattern of behaviour and the way he uses manipulation. This is the first step in being able to choose how you want to respond when he uses this tactic and is some great progress.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #148117
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hi and welcome

      Yes they use all sorts of tactics to keep the control. The excuses he makes up will never be his fault as that’s how abusers are, they have a need to win, they are not capable of loving ina healthy way and that is not your fault or responsibility, he is an adult.

      I am zero contact, children too, it was the only way I could navigate freeing us (children and I) with less damage as my husband also continued in any way he could.. he even threatened suicide (I rang the police to ask them to do a welfare check, that stopped him feeling ‘suicidal’ all if a sudden he felt better 🤔
      Keep posting ❤️

    • #148125
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Daff

      Unfortunately, the answer is no. As long as you have contact he will not stop doing this.

      I hope that you soon find yourself in circumstances where all contact can stop and you he no longer has the opportunity to fo this to you. xx

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