Feeling stuck

[shine bright 2]

Hi,

I was on here a while ago. Not been here for a bit. So my ex hit me in front of the kids and raped me. He was on bail for stalking me..then again for burglary…CPS dropped both and i retracted statment for rape. I got a non mol as instructed by Childrens Services… because my kids are on Child Protection plan as a result of things they witnessed and my inabiliry to press charges.
Because i earn an ok wage i didnt get legal aid so went to court myself. So the non mol baisically isnt working. Although it says he cant come to my house, threaten violence, pester or harrass he has deliveres birthday cards for the kids…by hand to a neighbour…when its not their birthdays,given neighbours a present for me and asked if he van watch my the kids when they are playing with hers. CPS have said they will not charge him with breakin the non mol.Despite the fact i qas burglarys and someone came in the house no one will take responsibility for changing locka..even though front door can be openwd wiv a credit card. I feel like he ia saying look what i can do…look im still here.I know its part my fault becauae i didnt want to press charges. But now i do and so do the police but CPS wont. I feel like no one cares or gives a toss about us. Im still carrying on and i have a chance of a job far away…bur im so scared because im being driven away feom wvweything i know…how is that fair? How is it right? I got through everything he did…so why am i breaking now? I stopped
Self harming, I stopped scrubbing myself so why dont I feel like I won?…cos I didnt…he won.

Im not sure if all this post is ok by the rulea…sorry lisa if u r still the moderator…but i need to talk to people who get it.

[KIP.]

Hi shinebright it’s nice to hear from you again. You made your decisions at the time and perhaps it was all far too much for you to handle back then but you seem much stronger now. You have come such a long way and you should be immensely proud of yourself. These abusers never seem get the message. They think they’re above the law. My husband is still trying to control things but I’ve taken back control and you seem to be doing that too. Are you still in touch with your local Women’s Aid? They can help with your security. A locksmith isn’t too expensive so perhaps get the locks changed yourself. Report his behaviour to children’s services and tell them you need help with your safety? Tell your neighbour not to accept anything from him. Ask her not to get involved with him and that he’s using her. It’s a constant battle with these men. Keep reporting him to the police as there are stalking laws the police can use to arrest him. Eventually something will stick. As for moving away. I thought about it but all my family and friends are here so I’m making a stand where I have back up. Ask to speak to someone senior in the CPS. That man is dangerous and if he hurts another woman, tell them you will hold them accountable!

[lover of no contact]

Hi shinebright,

Its funny but I was thinking of you today and brokendreams wondering how you were so I’m so glad you posted. Its hard he’s back on the scene trying to make contact and trying to instil fear, unease and distress you. Thats what our abusers do. He gets a ‘high’ from your upset. I remember your story and how dangerous he is so strict no contact is essential with him. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. KIP has some good suggestions. And you do sound stronger.

Please keep posting and reading the posts for support. But thank God you got away from living with him.

[Serenity]

Hi Shinebright,

It’s good to hear from you, but not good that you are having to suffer his ongoing intimidation. My ex is doing similar.

Because of the severity of your past with him, I am sure that you can and need to
Do something about him approaching you, and the advice above is good.

You’ve come so far and are such a strong woman. He is pathetic. I don’t know if you should take the job or not, fresh start etc, but whatever you do, make sure it’s what you want- don’t allow him to push you away.

Xx

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Glad to hear u have progressed so much even though u dont feel it , u have won u escaped and left him, ok u wasnt feeling upto going through with the case but just have it all logged on his file then if he does it again to another lady at least u did your part and reported it, u feel u r ready to press charges now but cps said no, dont worry it took me 12 months to report my ex for trying to kill me, they said their was lack of eveidence and he didnt get charged, but i spoke up and like u that takes courage. maybe now u are at stage to be ready to process what happened thats why u feel low. Yes tell your neighbour not to accept any gifts for the kids from him and if she wants to invite him around thats fine but make sure your kids are not around when he is invited as he is an abuser u have left and wish to have no contact with, have u got any male friends in the community that could help u with your door, sometimes local hardware shops are really friendly, i know when i had my side mirror knock over, the man at the hardware shop drill it backfor me free of charge, sometimes god sends different people as angels to help us , ask around about local handy man which might do at reasonable pricve for u

[shine bright 2]

All good advise …as ever…ta. womensaid put motion sensors and all..but turns out lock can be opened with credit card. Neighbour has jammed it for now. Juat really pees mw off that are after all the MARaC, non mol, burglary and him being arreated so many times no one ia taking responsibility. No time for any of them any more…begged social services to help sort it..but nothing. Think they dont care because kids are due to be taken off CP plan. Dont see any end to it all unless I move. I got the non mol…but he does everything he can do.. the police always want him charged but CPS dont. If i was able to go to court and let them see scars and what he done then I could win…but I just cant..i cant. I got a skilled job and can move….but it will mean leaving eveything with four kids….i dont know if I can do it.I want to but I dont have courage. Feel so weak again. I wish I had more courage. If I could show people what he done we would be free. Ive done a lot…but not enough.

[shine bright 2]

Im not sure that I know how to live without him/ his family/ everyone telling me what to do. More than (detail removed by moderator) decades of life n*d im like a child. Straight from my family to him.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

YOu can live without his family, i was controlled and under a lot of pressure from my ex side of family , we have just been brain washed as sad as it sounds but it is true, to gethim charged u willhave to report and face him in court but that can only be your decision, i know u afraid to relocate but u know what i relocated to get away from his family and him and i really dont regret it, it is one way to closing the door on them, i just have divorce to complete now, it is heartbreaking that we have to give our job and restart again , but save some money and kep aside to help u while u look for new job

[shine bright 2]

Hi, confused….i think i remember that u r from a similar background to me. You must have a lot of courage to move away from everything u know. Im scread because u have kids. One at secondary..just,and the others at primary. Its seems like such a huge thing. I have found it hard to make friends outside my own community. When we came back here from abroad…i was still wearing he veil and I felts thats what stopped me…but nkw its still hard.
I have friends at work who are not the same religions as me. Im afraid that i will be really lonely and I wont cope. How did u manage? I dont think i can do it. Im happy i stopped self harm and reported lots of stuff to police and showed injuries to the doctor….but i cant seem to take these final steps.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Yes we are from similar cultures, it took me a year to build the courage to leave, even then i used the year excuse as my son to complete his gcses, but i think u need time to process everything that has happened to u , im personallyglad i waited a year, i got to see how he still never changed, how he was still abusive and saw the true colours of his family who i thought were mine. Ripped my heart the day i left , think i was in shock for 24h that i had actually moved , but again its just a step i had to take, i knew i couldnt move on with his family around me . I thought my family would be closer but i ended up been in same scenario in terms of distance but only in opposite direction , not going say it was easy cause people couldnt understand whyi was hurt , i continue to seek help and post on here , is like a rollocaster ride, u just have to go through these certain stages, i am now on divorce stage , last rollocaster ride as i see it as well as cutting of communciation with his family who are in my new town, but i nhave to say they do a good job of blanking me and just keep it polite hello and keep contact with kids which im still double minded about how i feel, after i relocated i even reported all the historical abuse, did’nt get a good outcome as they said not enough evidence but i see it as another closed chapter, i stood upto and reported him , i left all my work, finances and made a fresh start , you can too

[Author]

Posts