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Iv been out of my (detail removed by Moderator) plus relationship for a number of years, I’m not contact and have a restraining order in place, kids have no contact, and I feel like I should be on top of the world, but I’m not, I dream most nights about him, and never feel really safe. I find it hard to talk to friends or family as they think I should be over it. I know I have PTSD, and I’m angry with myself, when does this stop? When do I feel like me again? Or do I accept that I will never be right again, while he goes merrily into the future destroying other peoples lives? , so angry with myself x
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(detail removed by Moderator) years is a long time. Why would you be on top of the world? Our freedom is fought for because we have not been happy and had to fight for it. We have been abused by someone who should have cared for and protected us. There are no victories. Only salvaging what’s left of ourselves.
However…
You are a strong survivor and given time I hope the hurt will dim for you. Take comfort in the fact that the pain you feel shows you were the genuine person in the relationship and not the pretender that your ex was.
Time heals all wounds, but scars remain. Like my pregnancy stretch marks, I’ll wear them with pride.Our scars will be a constant reminder to be ever vigilant in a man’s world. -
In so many ways in doing so well, I can’t give up the anger of what iv given up. The last few months of my mothers life completely ruined, even her funeral day dictated by him, the lose of my children, this is something I will never get over, sometimes I feel like its overwhelming, like I cannot claw my way out, but I don’t want him to have the feeling that hes won x
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Have you had some good counselling? That’s what helped me move on in a big way. I think we learn to live with the abuse we have suffered in different ways and at different times in our lives. You won your freedom back which may not seem like a lot but every day you are no contact with him will massively hurt his ego. It’s like saying,p that you know what he is really like and that he’s not worthy to be in your life. He can tell people what he likes but the bottom line is you took steps most people wouldn’t dream of to get him out your life. No one can argue with that. It takes time but I’m much further on with healing than I ever thought I would be. Try to concentrate on yourself meantime. Karma will catch up with him if it already hasn’t x
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I’ve been so consumed with anger I didn’t know what to do with myself and it left me feeling ill, I’m not religious, more spiritual, but I was feeling that ill I decided to go and talk to the local vicar, as I knew he would be kind and may be able to offer some words of wisdom, he did, I asked him about the line in the Lords prayer, forgive those who tresspass against us, I said I just cant seem to do this after everything he has put me and my child through, and knowing that he is still gunning for me and still causing distress.
He said that for some people the forgiveness they seek is for the self, maybe put him to one side, look at and learn how to forgive yourself. He was so very right, this I could work on, this I could do, I reflected on what he said and could see that a big chunk of my anger was with myself, how could I have been so stupid, why didn’t I get out sooner, the list went on and on. I was duped, and it is because I have love and kindness in my heart that I tried to make it work for so long, and I put everyone else’s needs before my own needs – that has now changed.
I also found comfort and peace in meditation, there is a bhuddist centre nearby and they welcome anyone in from any faith for meditation sessions – this helped.
You cant go back to feeling like you once did, this simply isnt possible, it changes us forever, but if we committ to learning about ourselves, to self awareness, we can get to a place where our experiences only serve to inform us, and we begin to feel like that time has now passed, it taught me a great many things, it will never happen again, I am a stronger, wiser person now.
Keep talking, with those who understand, keep learning and aim to always be honest with yourself and others, this can be hard to do sometimes but it’s essential. FL.x
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