Feeling stuck

[Japan]

(Detail removed by moderator) i was waiting to see my boyfriend but because he took a while to reply I was worried he didn’t want to see me that much and I just wanted to be reassured because he seems to get annoyed by me very easily and I start to feel like I’m just a big pain and problem to him, so when I went to see him i just asked if he did want actually want to see me and all I was looking for was reassurance and love from him, because I feel like I try so hard to please him and he doesn’t appreciate it ! Or he does but forgets it by the next day! I lent him a large sum of money (detail removed by moderator) back and he still hasn’t paid me back and I feel like he clearly doesn’t respect me else he would of gave it me back right away and I’m too scared to ask him for it back so I’m just waiting patiently. Anyway (detail removed by moderator) so when I asked if he did actually want to see me he said shut the f**k up don’t you dare speak to me like that leave now if that’s how your going to talk to me so I said please I don’t want to go I’m really sorry and he kept saying how dare I speak to him like that and then he ignored everything I said or told me to s**u, we took the dog for a walk and he wouldn’t talk to me for the whole walk and when we got back to the car to go home he had locked the door so I couldn’t get in then turned the car around and drove away I ran to try and catch up and he eventually let me in and for the rest of the night he hardly spoke to me and when he did it was just orders (detail removed by moderator) and like an idiot I just do everything he asks, I love him so much and we do have really good happy times but why must he treat me like this !? I feel like he isn’t interested in anything I have to say and when I wanted to talk to him the other day about memories of me childhood he just said you have told me this before and then went silent for ages, because we have been through a lot together I know if I leave he will treat someone else a lot better than he does me because he holds things against me from the past and punishes me with them when he pleases and it makes me mad that I do anything and everything for him and someone new could come along and get treated ten times better than I do without having to do anything to earn it and that’s the main reason I would never leave …
please help,
Many thanks x

 

 

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there Japan, sadly you are in a very abusive relationship. He WILL treat another person the same way, it’s just our imagination l plays out a different scenario. Have you heard of the cycle of abuse or the FOG of abuse. He’s traumatising you every time he treats you this way and speaks to you this way. No matter what you do for him, show him gie much you love him it’ll never be enough. The goalposts will constantly change. He’s already ‘borrowed’ money from you, he has no intentions of paying it back. He’s talking to you like a servant, you know it’s disrespectful yet you do what he asks. My husband used to bark orders at me too, I left him eventually. Was with him fir well over 2 decades, don’t be like me.. trauma bonding makes you think you love this person. But there’s a much better life out there away from his abusive ways.
Is there anyone you can talk to. If you’re at college or uni could you contact your lecturer. Ther only reason I’m suggesting these people is because you sound so much younger then me, if I’ve got it wrong, I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to offend you. Sometimes relationships aren’t meant to be, whether they’re friendships or romantic relationships. It’s knowing when to break them. A good healthy relationship is easier to end, yes it’s sad but it’s not scary like ending an abusive one.
Keep posting, keep learning about abusive behaviour. Look up the grey rock method, it’l help when he’s speaking to you badly. The saving grace here is by the sounds of it you don’t live with him. Look out for what’s called the honeymoon period. When he realises you’re pulling away from him emotionally he’ll ramp up the nice him. Might even dangle moving in with him or worse having a baby.
My hope is that the younger generation are taught to see the difference between abusive behaviour and relationships and the normal having an off day which we all have from time to time. No doubt he’ll have all the excuses as to why he behaves this way but that’s all they are, excuses. At the end if the day it’s about power and control pure and simple.
Keep posting sweetheart, keep learning. Knowledge is power.
IWMB 💞💞

[Author]

Posts