Feeling stuck

[Threeships]

Hi,

I’m feeling really stuck and trapped at the moment. I broke up with my ex (detail removed by Moderator) because he strangled me and have since been in a process of trying to get out of the relationship, he really won’t let me go. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I have been to counselling for 6 months, moved city and started a new job, but none of these things were enough for me to break the emotional bond and every time I keep going back.

Now I’ve just moved to (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator) and have realised that he has also moved to the same city in the hopes that it would bring me bak into his life. That realisation has really made me realise the seriousness of the situation and how unwilling he is to let me go. What’s even worse is every time I feel bad or low or anxious I want to talk to him because I’m so emotionally dependent on him now and I have no-one else to talk to.

He is really mentally unstable, hears voices which is left over from a psychotic break from drug use, and show’s no empathy or capacity to understand other people’s feelings.

I am really worried that I won’t be able to get out of this because I feel so tied to him emotionally and he has already been very violent towards me and I haven’t left. So I don’t know what will be the thing that makes me leave in the end, I feel like its going to have to get really bad.

I contacted the domestic violence services in my area and they are in contact with me now but I feel like I need more support but I don’t know where to get it from.

I don’t know whether to tell my supervisor or someone at the university because I am scared they will judge me and think that I am not capable to be on the course. I feel like I have no one to turn to because my family don’t understand. My mum has her own trauma and doesn’t want to talk to me about it, and my brother (detail removed by Moderator) and kind of just thinks its my fault because I am carrying on seeing him.

There is a part of me that does feel like its my fault but then obviously that just makes me want to see him more.

How do you know who to talk to for help and does it feel scary for you too?

[Bananaboat]

Abuse makes us feel weak and as if people will think we can’t cope, but it’s quite the opposite really. You’re super strong to live with all this, that’s why they pick us. On top of that you’ve moved and started a massive degree, also signs of strength. So yes you should reach out to your uni as you might need some extra time or a safe place to work at some point. Not sure if you’re currently together or not from your post but your partner sounds dangerous and you need to protect yourself. Safety first always which is another reason to flag to the uni, in case he arrives on site. The uni will probably have counselling services available too.

Unfortunately being strong, independent women appeals to abusers and the fact we don’t have strong armies of friends/family means we rely on them. You need to break that bond, when you feel like messaging him for support come here instead. You can be free of him xx

[Threeships]

Hi Banaboat thanks for your response.

Yes I think I will tell the uni I’ve just been putting it off because I don’t want to panic anyone and wish I could have started in different circumstances. I

You’re right, I think I will post on here when I need to instead of him because its nice to be able to talk to people who have been through similar things and who understand. I had some very good friends but after a while they all got fed up and didn’t understand why I didn’t leave him.

Thanks again! x*x

[terribleheadspace]

I read somewhere that strangulation is a very strong warning sign that you could end up in a very very dangerous situation. Please try to look this up when you can.
I absolutely understand your feelings, I know for me I am struggling with this today, it’s amazing how a person can make you feel good and so scared at the same time. They can be a source of comfort and fear and I think until someone lives it, it is so hard to understand they dynamics.
I am worried about your safety though. Genuinely, I think I read that strangulation can be an indication that someone could attack fatally, I think to the point of this is on it’s own a very strong criminal offence.
I understand though and really hope you have support so that you can navigate your feelings.
For me it makes me feel crazy, when I sit there holding someone, really feeling attached when days before I thought that person could be a real danger to me.
I think this is the nature of abuse, I just cant seem to find a way out either. I’m hoping support and my head will pull me out.

[Author]

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