Feeling such a failure

[Misti]

It was (detail removed by moderator) that I phoned the police after he had hit me and I’ve not seen him again. I’ve fled from the house. Made myself homeless. Living at my sons and in debt as he used my credit. And I’m still feeling sorry for him. I’m also crying all the time. Can’t sleep so got some anti depressants from the doctors. (Detail removed by moderator)  I left an (detail removed by moderator) abusive marriage and on the rebound jumped into a new relationship. He said he would never hit or touch a woman. I feel so stupid and like I have let everyone down. Myself my kids. Do I have punch me on my forehead.

[KIP.]

Hi Misti, is there any way you can have him removed from your home. Have you had legal advice about an occupation order? Talk to your local women’s aid and see if they can help with support and legal advice. Rights of Women have a free legal helpline And website. Channel that anger into getting him out and convicted and help accountable

[Misti]

It was rented and I had moved to be near his home town etc. Moved back to near my family so had to give up the house. Thankyou though. I have had some legal advice

[Same-again]

Hey Misti, just thought I’d say hi. As my name suggests I too have gone from one abuser… to another.

Yeah, it’s tough on the old self esteem but I honestly think when they (talking about latest here) meet ya and they become aware of past they think yay! This one will be easy coz she’s put up with it before AND she’ll be even more likely to paper over the cracks out of shame.

What do you reckon? I think I’m right. Sad isn’t it but I do think we possibly present as an easy victim – boundaries (not present or strong enough) etc.

It’s super embarrassing or at least that’s how I feel. Ashamed. Not once, but twice ffs. I did do a bit of research and what is in play is unconsciously we look for what we know, what seems familiar. Argh!!!

I got an even worse one second time round. I didn’t think it was possible but I actually managed to downgrade – or – upgrade to a real nasty pasty. Not that the 1st wasn’t, just this one was worse.

Well, may he rot in hell for all the pain he has caused. Hope you’re ok Misti and me-I’m taking each day at a time.

🙂

[Misti]

Thanks. It’s like you say just so super embarrassing. I guess that makes sense that they think we will put up with it and to be honest I did at first. It just creeped in We were only together (detail removed by Moderator) and so nice at first.

It took me (detail removed by Moderator) years to get out the first time and I still find myself feeling sorry for him.

One day at a time is all I will do right now – just got to find me right now.

Hope you are ok too.

[KIP.]

Take a look at the Freedom Programme online. Living with the Dominator is a good book too. It might help with your confidence too x

[Misti]

Thankyou all. Really helps to hear I’m not on my own. Will look up the programme and book xx

[FacingRealityAtLast]

you are not on yr own xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Misti]

It’s (detail removed by Moderator) weeks this (detail removed by Moderator) since I’ve been on my own. He was charged with a community order but I got a (detail removed by Moderator) restraining order so he can not contact me and he has left me alone. I became single, homeless and made redundant all in the same week.
Start a new job on (detail removed by Moderator), got a house which is lovely just been left with loads of debt in my name and struggling to deal with that

I’m feeling loads better just shocked at how much I don’t know myself. Someone asked me what films do I like and I said action. That’s what he liked. Making decisions for me is weird and strange and taking some getting used to

Part of me loves being on my own. No walking on egg shells no stressing about what’s going to happen and part of me just wants to be back in the relationship. Lock down does not help. 1 day at a time. All I can do.

The weirdest thing is I feel like my emotions have gone. Either I just break down and cry or I feel nothing. Can’t describe it. I feel so damaged which really annoys me. I just want to be ok.

[KIP.]

You will be okay again, you just need to take time and be kind to yourself. “Surviving Economic Abuse” is a charity I follow online. Please check them out. They may be able to help you with your debt x my emotions were all over the place for quite some time. If someone was nice to me I’d cry. After being unable to cry for months. Remember as well as not watching movies you like you’ve had to suppress emotions you wanted to express x

[Misti]

Thankyou all. It’s so right. I cry my eyes out if anyone is even slightly nice to me. One day at a time. Will definitely check that charity out

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