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Over the last couple of days I find trying to move forward with my divorce with my ex so so difficult. He still has control over me and I find it suffocating he won’t sign the form to close the joint account, sends me snipey text messages relating to medical issues with one of our children he with held the letter and instead texted me about why I wasn’t on WhatsApp. He sends me the same question via text and email then proceeds to keep on texting yet he didn’t even respond to my email about the kids presents when will it ever end. He doesn’t want me but I can’t free myself as he has stalled on everything . The control is suffocating now I find out I won’t even see my parents at Christmas.
.Cannot face Christmas thats just been another route to me from him. Through counselling I found out he did actually sexually abuse me. I’m so dumb I didn’t even realise ..I have my kids and they keep me going but its very hard I feel trapped -
Hi Thistle
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. It’s no wonder that you feel controlled, suffocated and trapped. The only way forward for you is to take control yourself. It will be hard work, especially so with lockdown and Christmas and your child’s medical issue.
If he’s refusing to sign the form closing the joint account he’s probably also refusing to discuss other financial issues. You need to act quickly to protect yourself as you are jointly liable on a shared account. What’s to stop him taking all the money or running up an overdraft? Contact the bank and discuss what can be done until assets have been divided. This could mean freezing the account so think about what’s currently paid in and what bills are paid out from it.
Were you responsible for any household bills and is your name still on them?
Inform everyone of your new circumstances so they can communicate with you directly – schools, your GP, your children’s GP, etc.
Tell your soon-to-be ex that you will only communicate via email for everything to do with the divorce and the children. If you have a divorce lawyer you can either copy them in or forward emails to them. Or perhaps all communication can be done through solicitors?
His barrage of contact sounds like harassment and should be documented. Don’t respond to his texts but keep copies. Also keep a log of all his calls.
Finally, know that you are absolutely not dumb. Please be kind to yourself.
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My ex did the same. Put the account into dispute and froze it. The bank has a vulnerable customer care team. I’d get onto them. Absolutely zero direct contact. Anything at all is done via a third party and he doesn’t have your number or email address, remember abusers anti parent lockdown is making everything worse so take a step back and break things down into bitesize portions. How doyou eat and elephant? One teaspoon at a time. 👍 rape crisis have a great helpline. The rape and sexual abuse were simply another form of abuse that’s how I coped with that knowledge. Why wouldn’t it spill into that area when it’s everywhere else x nasty people. I reported it to the police. There’s no time limit for reporting sexual crimes x
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The bank can in certain circumstances remove you from a joint account without the other persons permission. If you tell them its a domestic abuse relationship and you have no/ minimal contact. We had 2 joint accounts. One I closed once I had a new solo account and I took on the direct debits. The other I wanted to be off as he is getting in debt . Initially both banks said needed his permission etc but then in the circumstances did it
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Thank you all for your support. Its incredibly difficult trying to deal with a n********t to whom lying is second nature. I will get back in touch with the bank tomorrow and explain the situation.
The most frustrating thing is I have my decree nisi and was awarded costs but he will not let me go unless its on his terms. I’m worn out by it. I’m trying think well i have my children and my own front door but sometimes the control is overwhelming . I will keep going xx -
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