Feeling the Feelings!

[Strongenough]

Something has only occurred to me in the last week or 2. I now have feelings! I was so used to numbing and dulling down my feelings when I was in my abusers grip that I actually forgot what it was like to experience what I felt and not what was acceptable by his standards to feel.

Excitement: I have a upbeat feeling about an upcoming birthday party I am invited to. Before I would have numbed this feeling and made out I didn’t really want to go because he would not have approved.

Relaxed: Feeling really relaxed when home from work, feeling at ease in my own home. I have spent years on high alert never ever fully relaxing, waiting for the next episode to happen.

Anger: This isn’t a great feeling but at least now I can express through my journal or through my therapy sessions that I am angry at him. Wouldn’t have dared ever express this before, not even to a 3rd party for fear of him finding out.

Love: Being able to show love and affection to my child or say I love you whenever we want. Before we wouldn’t do this if he was around because me and my child would be mocked and told the child is to old for that and made to feel bad. Being able to admit to myself that I love spending time with my friend, having that connection back with her that we had when we were teens. He didn’t like her (she seen through him), so I had dulled this feeling as well and convinced myself we had grown apart, when in fact he had isolated me from all friends and family.

Feels good to own my own feelings again. Ladies for anyone who can relate to this post, I wish you all the strength and happiness. Everyone deserves to be free from abuse and free to feel. 🌈

[Lisa]

Hello Strongenough,

I’m so happy to hear that the numbness caused by living in an abusive situation is lifting for you and you are beginning to feel your feelings! It sounds like you are becoming ‘you’ again!

This is something that isn’t discussed very much here on the forum and you have articulated it so well, so thank you for sharing this.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Bananaboat]

Yes!! I feel happy again, like you I feel excited about things, I’m still in the same house so not fully free, but as well as the nice stuff I now notice the anxiety, the fear and recognise my responses. It’s madness how grey the world was under his spell.

[Author]

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