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So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and my husband is putting the pressure on for sex.
It’s been a month of me finding exscuses and even to the point of making myself sick. He this past week has been saying no exacuse will work all while showering me with love. I’m so scared and nervous. I don’t want to do it and as horrible as this sounds having my eyes opened recently to how he treats us has made me question how I feel about him. He does so much for us I know I should be grateful and I am but recently everytime he shouts at us, pushes me, and even more forces himself on me, every time it happens my heart breaks a little more.
Anyway sorry for the rant
Hope everyone is well -
You don’t have to feel grateful to someone who shouts at you, shoves you around, rapes you, however (ahem) good he might appear sometimes. It’s his behaviour you’re reacting to.
You are doing so well that it is starting to sink in that you are in an abusive relationship. Have you spoken to anyone at Women’s Aid? Please remember that the Samaritans are there all the time. They are a godsend.
It is very difficult to imagine oneself on one’s own after a long relationship. Please start getting as much real life support as you can. If he rapes you again, please report him to the police. Please be as kind to yourself as you are able. I find the video camera on my phone is better at recording sound than the sound recorder.
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your not going to feel like being intimate with someone who is shuvving you around and forcing himself on you. no woman would. Its your body he has no right to do any off this to you. it might be worth recording whats going on and report this if it happens again. Its not fair to keep having to deal with this and ultimately it will eat away at your self worth xx i hope you are ok, i have never been raped but i have unwillingly been sweet talked into it, if that makes sense xx theres a fine line but he has definitely crossed it xx luv diy
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I went well over a month not doing it, I still didn’t want to do it, he never forced me, he never moaned or pressured me into it that much, it was me, I felt obliged to. It’s the knowing of what they are, that’s what stops us having/being able to have sex. Once the love goes, even fancying them, it’s impossible for a woman to have sex. Men would s..g a hole in the ground. We need to feel a connection, once that’s broken, sex is impossible. Do you still drink? A few fir Dutch courage so to speak.i don’t drink now, a bit of the medication I take and him constantly going on at me when I did. So i have nothing to help me to be able to do it, to lull him into a false sense of security until you’re able to really leave him.( It would be advisable to not have too many, just in case it gets aggressive.) I no longer panic, but the thought of doing it makes me feel physically sick. I see him for the ugly man he really is, i no longer see him through rose tinted glasses, not even when he smells nice, looks nice.
We do what we do to survive, if having sex is part of what we’ve to do to survive, we’ll do that too, but on our terms.
I’m post menopausal, I have no libido to speak of. I wonder if it’s really totally gone or if it’s because of being with him. I miss affection but know it’ll lead to sex, so I don’t cuddle him, touch him in passing, like I used to. It takes me all my time to be civil and not cause any arguements according to him. I learned recently that due to being on high alert all the time, we’re so close to flaring up, something and nothing will trigger us. So now I don’t. It’s frustrating him so much but I refuse to let him accuse me of being the abusive one. I wish you well for V Day, I’m hoping not to but will if I have to.💜💚
Best wishes my friend, I hope you’ll be okay.
IWMB 💕💕 -
It’s HIM!!! It’s really easy to think it’s the menopause. It really isn’t necessarily that! The thought of doing anything intimate with someone who shoves you around and puts you down is just disgusting! It’s a really tricky situation. It’s not your fault if he explodes. It sounds as though you are walking on eggshells.
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I knew that😉, I hear of so many women being able to have sex and enjoying it, I know it’s him MD.
loss of libido is one of the first things of DA, our bodies know the score. Funnily enough I’m not on eggshells at the moment, everything’s never been clearer, I just can’t have sex with someone who has no respect for me, treats me like s..t, does all the usual stuff, that everyone else’s abusers do to some extent. Thanks for being there. 💞
IWMB 💕 -
I really feel for you and think you’re both really strong. I wish I had been able to say no in a way that could have stopped my ex. Even one time that you don’t want to is too much.
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I so know how you are all feeling. My husband blames all our problems on me being distant and my lack of interest in sex
When I have tried to tell him it’s because of his behaviour, he can’t see it. We are now so close (hopefully) to the end of our relationship & he is telling all our family & friends that I have mentally abused him with my lack of love towards him.he doesn’t get that his aggressive behaviour towards me and our children has made me feel like this. It is good to read that I’m not necessarily that cold person he makes me think I might be. You are all so brave -
Hi daisydo, no my love you’re not cold, he’s made you act that way. I hate being this cold, distant woman. But I know if I let him in, I’ll get so much verbal abuse again, he’ll s..g off the act, accuse me of being the proverbial store dug. I never realised until recently that our relationship is based on sex and sex alone. It was the glue that kept us together. What we did after every hurt he caused me, not knowing the chemicals being released were bringing us closer together, Binding me to him. It was supposed to be me and him against the world, looking out for each other and the family. What a joke. 😢
IWMB 💕
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