Feeling the weight of having no one here

[Awayfromhome]

So I have been offered a spot in a refuge, which is very far away. I had a space offered by a charity that works with my ethnic group, but I couldn’t take it because it was in a risk area. I am so very sad about it!

Anyway, they have managed to get me a spot in another place but is miles away, it doesn’t seem like it has many transport connections and my only two friends in the country (which are also my only support) are really far away!

They had notified social services as well, because my toddler sometimes has said “daddy scared me”.

I feel like I need to move now, or they would get involved (SS) and that is my biggest fear of all!

At the same time I am worried/nervous/scared/ of still being isolated because of where I would be for the next step when I really need some of my support.

What can I do?

[Lisa]

Hi Awayfromhome,

I’m sorry to read about the space you couldn’t take, but it’s best that you’re putting safety first with your decisions. It can be daunting thinking about moving a big distance away, have you had a chance to speak to the refuge directly about any worries? Refuge is temporary and you should have support while you’re there to find more permanent accommodation to move on to, perhaps you could ask about whether they can support you to move closer to your friends. Isolation is a big fear, especially with this often being one of the impacts of domestic abuse. You should have practical and emotional support in the refuge, that’s another thing you could ask about though.

Ultimately, it’s most important that you’re in control of your decisions about what you want to happen. Try not to feel pushed into something you’re not happy with. A lot of women in your situation are frightened about social services getting involved. Their role is to help you keep your child safe by removing the danger, which is not you. They’re extremely unlikely to remove your child from your care. Local domestic abuse services usually have advocates whose role is to support women in communicating with agencies such as social services. If you’re not already in touch with your local service, you could search for their details using our service directory and contact them for some support.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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