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I’ve been in an on/off relationship with my partner for almost (detail removed by moderator)
We have a baby together- she was conceived really quickly into the relationship- he told me how desperate he was to have a baby with me and there was no need to wait.
During the later stages of pregnancy I discovered he was a functioning alcoholic. He hasn’t ever been sober, he says he manages it. We split up when our baby was (detail removed by moderator) old because he was treating me very badly. But (detail removed by moderator) later we got back together because he convinced me he wasn’t the problem, that it was my mental health aand if I took his support we could be together asas a family in the house be bought for us.
I stupidly believed him and moved in. To begin with it was my dream come true- he was loving, supportive and home life was good. I began telling anyone concerned, including professionals that I had been wrong and that my mental health was worse than I realised.
But I’ve only ever been diagnosed with low level anxiety.
My partner tells me I don’t remember things as they happened, that I don’t remember conversations properly, that I don’t speak properly and mix my sentences up.
He veers from shouting at me that I’m mentally unwell and unstable, to making me cups of tea, cooking dinner etc and it’s those times that make me really question if I’m right.
I’m finding I have no urge to do anything most days as I feel so depressed. In turn, he says it’s evidence of my dwindling mental health.
(detail removed by moderator) he flipped, called me names and kicked our daughters toys around the front room- she wasn’t in the room at the time.
(detail removed by moderator)
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Any mental health issues you have are one hundred percent down to his behaviour. He chooses to behave this way. Google the cycle of abuse. Gaslighting. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and contact your local women’s aid. Abuse always gets worse. His behaviour is abusive and you need to make a safe exit plan with women’s aid. It sounds like you know that he is an abuser and has destroyed your mental health x
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Hi there Squeakycheese, welcome to the forum.
KIP has given you some great support already, she is right that the domestic abuse you have been experiencing can impact on your mental health. Within your post you are certainly describing how your partner gaslights you, this will make you question your sense of reality.
It will be a good idea to get some ongoing support in place, you can find your local domestic abuse service here
Keep posting, we are here to support you.
Best wishes
Lisa
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Living with an alcoholic is soul destroying. My son’s dad is an alcoholic. Binge social drinking got worse over the years and now alcohol has taken over his life. It’s a very disturbing way of life. If he’s drinking as you say he is he’ll probably not have a grip on reality. Don’t believe a word he says. Men like this cause utter chaos.
He’s making you feel vulnerable to keep you.
I actually thought I had post natal depression and went to see my GP. Thankfully she saw what was really going on and reassured me it was my marital problems which were causing me to feel this way. I had horrendous anxiety and panic. Partly because I was exhausted from caring for a baby on my own while he drank his alcohol every night.
I eventually left him and I never looked back.
Your partner’s behaviour is escalating and alcohol will increase his risk. Reach out and seek some support. You can get out of this life. -
Hey Hetty, I was told I had post natal depression and I believed the doctor. They totally missed the abuse and the escalation. Looking back it was text book abuse. I’m so glad things have changed and there is much more awareness. I spent decades trying to fix a problem that was never mine. These men destroy lives x
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