Feeling very down and numb…

[iwillbeok]

Hi,

Have had a very low day today. I have been feeling numb all day and as soon as I logged on here… my heart is breaking that there are so many of us who have suffered at the hands of (Detail removed by Moderator). And now I’m in tears – letting them just fall…

I sold my wedding rings. I haven’t told anyone. I did it when I was feeling stronger and angrier last week but now I got the money and thinking what I should get myself with it… I’m thinking I know what I would’ve liked: for the dream to have been true, the soul-mates, the madly in love, the happy family etc etc to be have been real! I’d rather that than any paltry sum I could get for some trinkets.

I’m so so stressed about how the divorce is going to go. I’m worried sick to my stomach the things he’s going to say, the twists he’s going to put on things. Half wondering if I should have just taken his offer and wait it out. But knowing full well that it still wouldn’t be that simple. So f**king sick of thinking about him at all.

Need some self care but just don’t have the energy…

iwillbeok x*x

[cloudyday]

Sending you hugs iwillbeok. Its awful that they are at the foremost in our thoughts when all we want to do is forget. That voice in our head going over and over everything 24/7. We have all tried to hang on to the dreams that we would have liked to happen and the lives we hoped for but the reality is that none of this would ever have happened with these abusers. The bad days will become less with time and there will be good times ahead. We just got to stick with it and move forward and take time to heal our damaged hearts and minds. You did something good today iwillbeok, even though you were feeling so low yourself you sent me a few words that really lifted my spirit when I was feeling like hell. I appreciate that. Wishing you a better day tomorrow xx btw go and spend the b****y money on something frivolous, you deserve it, I sold my wedding ring ages ago, in fact 2 wedding rings and spent it on something nice, why not. xx

[enofadov]

Oh wow…..you are making such big steps….so very proud of you.
It’s these little things that are getting to me too….I stupidly read the speech I read at our wedding yesterday….opened up a whole load of emotions and regret and pain.
Each time we hurt I just try and think we are one step closer to healing.
Could you spend the money on a weekend away for you and the kids or a beautiful piece of jewellery to symbolise hope and strength? I saw a lovely necklace on Facebook with the lotus flower on it which was so significant.
All here for you cheering you on xxc

[Appleblossom]

Oh iwillbeok, you definitely will.

This will pass, remember tough times end, but tough people last. X*x

[Ayanna]

Well done for selling the rings!
Stay strong for the divorce!
You need to counteract everything he says.
Be fierce! You can do this!

[iwillbeok]

Thank you so much for your replies – they cheered me up, and on, a lot. I am feeling a little better and a little angrier (thanks Germaine!) yesterday and today. I am also proud of how I have helped my daughter through a bit of a slump too, despite feeling low myself.

iwillbeok xx

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