This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 6 months, 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #71985
     Wanderlust 
    Participant

    Hi, I’m new to the forum.
    My head is all over the place and I’m fluctuating between feeling angry and crying. I’m still trying to work out my next step, but I’m dreading having to own up to people that I made a mistake taking him back. I’m not sure how to start openening up because I’ve kept everything to myself for so long. I’ve been reading other posts on the forum during the day and feel thankful that I’ve found this space to start opening up.

  • #71988
     Landy 
    Participant

    Welcome! I took my ex back so many times…. And for ages kept the abuse secret. But telling people, just a few to start with and now everyone knows, has helped me to stay strong. This forum too has been my lifeline in weak moments. We’ve all been where you are now and we’ll do all we can to support you x

  • #71995
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Have you spoken to women’s aid? They were really supportive. I think the average is seven times before we finally leave for good. Do you know about the cycle of abuse? The love bombing? It’s hard to break free but the more people you tell the easier it becomes. These men are expert at hooking us in, Google trauma bonding x

  • #72043
     Sad sunflower 
    Participant

    Dear Wanderlust, I believe most of us have taken our abusers back. I took him back a thousand times! Sometimes I was the one begging him to stay with me. Don´t worry about what people will think. Those who care about you will understand and be supportive, you will be amazed! Stay strong!

  • #72059
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Wanderlust, welcome to the forum, it’s such a safe non judgemental place to be. You’ll have a lot of emotions to work out in the initial stages, I’m feeling like a pro now, I’ve been posting for such a while now, and yet I look back and my first post was only August of last year. Time flies.
    Learning about the dynamics of abuse, why he does what he does, that’s a good book by Lundy Bancroft caked why dies he fi that. It explains so much. They’re not exists fir him brushing this way, but it explains why. I’ve Also realised my oh doesn’t need anger management classes but it’s rather he’s addicted to anger. He can control his anger when he has to, but chooses not to with me and other people he susses won’t stand up to him. Most of these men are bullies, opinionated, Pillars of the community, so to speak,some will use mh as why they are the way they are(they will lie and say their doctor says xyz, when they’ve never even seen a doctor). They’re also so good at making you doubt your own judgement. You’re reality becomes theirs (gaslighting)
    You don’t have to tell anyone anything. You tell them what you want them to know, that’s all. Our own pride, our ego, our time and energy spent invested in the relationship, they aren’t reasons to stay, yet many do because of that. Being unhappy in the relationship is reason enough to end iut, yet we don’t because we are afraid of what he’ll do. He might never have said he’ll do anything, but his behaviour during the relationship, that tells us differently. The body reacts before the Brain catches up, that’s why we’re supervigilant, on high alert(walking on eggshells).
    Keep posting, keep reading others posts, knowledge is power as they say.
    IWMB 💞💞

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