feeling worried

[CosmosIdealology]

hey girls i need some advice

i might have to go to court and give evidence and i was wondering what your experiance was and what it was like.

my ex partner who abused me sent me relentless phone calls saying he was going to kill himself because i left him blah blah blah ugh then to top it all off his brother started messaging me saying that he’s going to get people to come and kill me and i am really scared of bumping into him and his family what do i do i had to run away to another country altogether because i couldnt face the gohsts of the past really need some advice on this

[fizzylem]

Hi C, sorry this might be coming up for you; not been myself as a witness, but have been on the forum a while and have picked bits of info up here and there and have been to court. There is lots of info on the womens aid site about going to court, have you had a look at this yet? I recall watching a video too somewhere – maybe have a look on youtube? You can request special measures through witness protection services at the court. So I would do this, and make sure you are in seperate waiting areas.

But for me, I think I would find the ‘special measures’ they put in place, like a screen in court, making a fuss, not really helpful at all; some women feel they need this and others not, so guess you’ll need to work out what can be offered at the court you’re attending and what you need to happen to help enable you through it.

I personally think it is shocking how witnesses are treated in some places, I think you can sit in another room and give evidence through a TV but this is rare and perhaps more available in and around London? I think what is more common is the screens put up in court. It needs to change really; needs a lot more thought.

If it were me, I would try to prepare by organising a look round at the court before the day – pretty sure this can be arranged, to familiarise yourself with the room and where everyone will be sitting; if this can be done I would find out where they will be sat so that I could make sure our eyes never meet while we’re in the room. I would try to act as if they were not there, I would decide where I am going to look and keep my head in that direction, and I’d try to get my head into the mental frame of ‘show no fear’, I’d tell myself I am only there to speak my truth and nothing else – I did nothing wrong here, meaning, I can hold my head up and when spoken to, look the court officials in the eye, but that’s just me, we all need to decide what we need to do to get us in the best place possible / only you know what you can and cant manage – how you need to the ‘setting up’ to be, as this will differ from person to person hey.

Of course, the thing about making a plan, is that you are also at risk of it changing, which can leave a person feeling floored right at the point when they felt they really needed something to go a certain way; so I’d prep for that in mind, so that I would have more chance of adapting quickly if needed. For example, sometimes we set up lovely birthing plans, then it all goes to sh!t when baby decides it’s coming out another way – and what could have been a joyful arrival, can turn into disappointment very quickly, so letting this go is needed but it can sometimes be diffcult to do, so I find a small plan is often better than the best thought out version.

So, a look inside the court if possible, (although there might be a room change on the day – could ask the person showing round before hand how likely this might be), I think its the where will you wait thats most needed – so establish this, and some building yourself up before hand to of course. Lots of exercise and healthy food in the days leading up.

Usually everyone arrives at the same time, I have heard different times be arranged and this to go to sh!t, say if it rolls into lunch, as no one seemed to think about this, only arriving. I think if I plan for the worst then there is less room to get rattled. So I would not plan to arrive at a different time, I would plan that I will take my chances, there will be a window of about 20-30 mins where everyone arrives, so chances are you wont see them anyway, you’ll be hyper vigilliant so you’ll spot them straight away if you do, and can hang back or not look back again. Will you be with someone too as well? This would help here hey. Once inside you can get witness protection to tell you if they are here yet and where.

You could get a support worker from the local womens aid charity to meet you before and take you – and maybe she can arrange all these things for you and get you where you need to be on the day. Or you and your friend will need to meet with witness protection once inside; or perhaps if you call ahead and are alone they will meet you somewhere first? Like I say, its hard to know what is available as it differs from one court to the next so find out what is offered. Keep posting, so we can all try and help you to get in the best mental place for it. Hopefully, it will be time to see justice being served x

[CosmosIdealology]

thanks thats helped alot

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