Feeling worthless and lonely

[ImFeelinglost]

I am feeling so stuck, I have no friends or support I am waiting on counselling and for my referral to be assigned to someone but I feel so lonely having no one to talk too, I have looked online to try qnd make new friends as I have no one to go out with to start to meet new people and see all the groups on line are more for dating which I am not ready for. My ex is still a big part of my life and says things like tou don’t need friends I’m your support so it makes me feel like I will never make friends or have anyone else to talk too. I feel lonely so I fall back into over thinking and just not happy and don’t know how to get over this feeling. Or feeling I’m worth something

[Wants To Help]

Hi Imfeelinglost,

Trying to build a new life for yourself always has its challenges. It’s a very positive sign that you are looking to do so and you are so worthy of finding new friends and having new people in your life.

How come your ex is still a big part of your life? Even if you have children together, he should not be your support system and you are entitled to move on from him and have your own independence. It sounds like he is still controlling you. Are you struggling to break free of this hold?

There are some groups out there who do meet up for friendships or hobbies, look for some Facebook groups. In my area there is a walking group and a running group. My local church hall also has a weekly coffee and cake morning so there may be something like that at a church near you. Some local DA charities have weekly meet ups too for drop in sessions, so have a Google for the DA charities in your area and see what they offer.

If you do have children at school, you could join the PTA? I did this and made some friends with the other mums and I also enjoyed working on the charity events in the school several times a year. Through this I got to know quite a few people locally and it built up my confidence.

[ImFeelinglost]

Yes I am still struggling to break free from this if I add a new friend on fb he believes I’m doing it to jump into bed with them or if I say I would like a night out not to just go out and socialise I have children I never thought of pta I will look into that. Struggling to cut that last cord and completely go my own way and this is the hardest bit and I’m not sure why

[Wants To Help]

You can start to take back some power by changing your Facebook settings. If you don’t feel comfortable with unfriending and blocking him then change your settings so that only you can see your friends list, that way, he won’t be able to tell if you have added anyone new. You could also change him from a ‘friend’ to an ‘acquaintance’ and limit what posts he can see. You can prevent him from seeing future posts. That way, he will still have access to what you have previously posted but will not see anything further. He may just assume you are not posting on Facebook, however, he will know that he can no longer see your friends list (none of your friends will be able to see your friends list) so this could trigger further issues with him. Do the same with any mutual friends too so that they cannot feed stuff back to him, or screenshot your posts and send them to him.

If you no longer live together I can guarantee you he will be going out and about as he pleases, see whoever he chooses and message and friend anyone he likes on social media. He is trying to keep you isolated and under his control. I’m sure there will be other things that he does that will show signs of post separation abuse too.

[Chickadee]

Hi –

First, get him off your face book, he should not have access, he will and is only using information to further abuse you and control you.

Meeting People and Making Friends – participate, many things are free, check out things affiliated with your children’s schooling, any activities that they may be involved in

Think of things you enjoy – crafts, poetry, etc…… check out churches and libraries many have free group activities.

Do you have a local abuse support group you can go to?

Hope this helps! Chickadee

[Author]

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