This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Braelynn 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #103642
     FeltedLeopard 
    Participant

    I was wondering if anyone else has experienced their family siding with an abuser? I have found out a family member has sided with my ex-partner and reported me to social services to back up his claims. They even say I have a mental health condition I don’t have. I was tested for it because I was constantly being told I was mad.
    They say i am very clever and fooled a psychiatrist but also that I am mentally ill enough to be only able to focus on one thing at a time.
    They also say I like to play the victim and that I mentally abuse my children- they made up a couple of incidents that never happened to prove their point.
    What can I do? I’m so worried by it I can’t think of much else, but I also don’t want to see my GP and put my worries on record to be used against me in court.
    Has your family sided with an abuser? Does this happen or should I start to think about the possibility I am ill and don’t know?
    I find the more refuge support workers and friends etc reassure me, the more I panic that I am manipulative and have duped them

  • #103652
     KIP. 
    Participant

    You are not ill you’re being abused. This is very typical of an abuser to recruit their flying monkeys. You can actually work out yourself just how delusional he is. Their story doesn’t even make sense. My ex used our son to continue his gaslighting behaviour. The refuge support workers know how these men work. They all use the same tactics. You know the truth. You loved the truth. Believe in yourself x his lies will catch up with him just sit back and watch the show x

  • #103689
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    Oh my, isn’t this just the worst!? Yes, I am very familiar, been there. It’s quite the stab in the back, a betrayal by more than one person at a time. Very bullying behavior and it’s pretty much gang mentality. A family group can be just as bad as any gang. But you are seeing what’s going on and it’s not about “you”, it’s about who “they are” so don’t forget that one. They can’t do their ugly if you don’t touch the poisoned apple and eat it. I had to realize that I really didn’t like them. If they were someone on the street I would never choose them to be my friend. And that’s okay, I have that right.

    When a very dysfunctional and unhealthy family picks a scapegoat and/or a family voodoo doll of sorts, whenever they are about doing what they do and won’t take responsibility for it, they turn around and blame you, make you feel like you are crazy, the bad one. They won’t feel the guilt or shame of it all so they immediately stick pins in you and watch you feel all that pain, guilt, shame and sadness. It’s called projection. What they want to see is you believe everything is all your fault and that you are crazy, etc. But when you don’t believe that anymore and don’t question yourself, they have no more power over you.

    They’ll have to go find someone else to beat up and bully because it won’t be you anymore. Such sad little gang members, aren’t they? Cowards the lot of them. But you’re not. I remember well the crazymaking, round and round the tree with my lot. Going t*t for tat doesn’t work either. But not playing their game does and disbelieving their lies and projections does. Journal, write things down and put in safe place. Looking back over it later is very revealing and helpful. Look up gaslighting. There is a Book List thread on here that you really should look at. Tons of reading in there. Knowledge is power and you are so not even close to being crazy. Confidence is your key here so that self esteem of yours needs to be built up. You’ve had quite the beating. Keep posting!

  • #103691
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    Speaking of witch hunts, I have to tell a story here about the salem witch trials. For one, the preacher that headed all this up was never one before and he was in league with a very wealthy man who was trying to acquire land in Salem as it was a pristine place for trade, etc. The first one to be accused was the preacher’s slave girl, who was accused but not put to death, she was just sent somewhere else…. As part of the punishment towards the family of the accused witch, of course they lost everything, house, land, etc. Wonder where all that went to? Interesting to note that it’s old school knowledge what ergot does to you if eaten or inhaled. Especially what it does to rye if it’s blown in the wind at the plants themselves or put into the bread that is baked. It makes one go into convulsions, itch violently, thrash about and act like a totally possessed person. Hm,m,m…. These girls/women were not witches. Just someone doing a con job and the collective group going along with it. Funny but when the wife of the preacher was being accused, it suddenly stopped.

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