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tonight my Son grabbed my arm, only in an affectionate way as we were leaving my parents house. I asked him to let go and he said no so I asked again and he said mum calm down. He didn’t hurt me or worry me in anyway he’s a lovely lad and a descent human being.
The reason I reacted was because my ex used to trap me a few times a year – he would sit over me trapping my arms and legs as I lay on the bed and would say in an aggressive manner ‘your trapped cry’ he would repeat this till I did cry then he would get off me and act like nothing had happened.
The feeling for some reason raised in me as my son touched my arm my stomach went tight and I could feel the fear raising though my body – it was weird as this has not happened before so I think as he has been on my mind the last few days and I told a friend of mine what my ex used to do I think it has come to the surface. My poor son looked so worried and didn’t understand my reaction so I said it’s ok I just needed you to let go so I could get my shoes on.
The fear and panic my ex has created in me is awful but I know this is also from a deep wounding from my childhood as I was trapped when I was younger and my ex played on this and made it worse as I write this my throat and chest is tight so I need to find a way to release the pain. Thank you reading
Xx
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Thank you Falling Skys for your reply.
He is lovely son, he’s aware of some stuff that happened but he didn’t know that my ex used to trap me, not many do know they just know about the verbal control. I’d love to explain to him but he’s Angry enough at my ex and as we have moved out and trying to rebuild our lives I don’t really want to tell him even though I do believe in being truthful
Experiencing flashback I think your are soooo right and the feelings that came up with it just horribleXx
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