Fiction to help us overcome the effects of abuse

[Lilycat]

Hi everyone,

I have been looking at literature that will help us to overcome abuse.

Bookshops are full of bleak stories of psychopaths and sociopaths, and ‘adversity books’, that are all strangely unfulfilling. These are described somewhat ubiquitously by reviewers as ‘a glimpse into the evil mind’ and/ or ‘truly heartbreaking’- terms which, I am convinced,pop up in the book reviewer’s Babelfish when they see that the title involves death and/ or abuse and they have only skim-read their material.

It seems that humans are fascinated by the morally perverse and the extremes human suffering, and there are ‘bread and circus’ books to feed this obsession- none of which remotely help those who have been victims, which seems like the literary equivalent of car crash telly. I have not found many books that truly get to grips with the complex nature of abuse and that are actually, one, fiction and, two, helpful. So, it would be interesting to share any that do with our forum friends.

For me the only (series of) fiction books that have helped me have been in the DC graphic novel series of Batgirl, scripted by Gail Simone. The graphics perfectly suit the dark threatening mood that the abuse brought on, but there are great moments of light and victory, too. The Joker who initially harms Batgirl’s alter ego, Barbara Gordon, uses the same push-pull dynamics as my abusers and keeps on showing up to re-traumatise her. Batgirl is an imperfect superhero and she keeps on having to push past self-doubt, anxiety and panic attacks to recover and, in the process, help other people. These books were a difficult and at times triggering read, but they really helped me to nurture my resilience as I would go back to the triggering parts and re-read them slowly until I could face them. I would not suggest this for everyone at every stage of their recovery journey, but the books aided me as a wellness tool and Gail Simone’s treatment of the Joker reassured me that people like him are a personality type.

Do you know of any other books where the abused protagonist extracts themselves from an abusive dynamic and the plot tracks their recovery and journey back to peace and happiness?

Kindest wishes for fulfilling and happy reading

Lilycat xx

[Lisa]

Hello Lilycat,

It is interesting that you have been looking at literature that focuses on overcoming abuse. It is usually the perpetrators of crimes that are focused on and there is a morbid fascination of their actions.

I’m glad that you found a graphic novel that resonates with you. It sounds like it has really captured the recovery journey of domestic abuse.

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[lover of no contact]

Hi Lilycat,

I love the book ‘Women who run with the wolves’ by Claudia Pinkola Estes. All her stories in the book are empowering for women. I especially love the story ‘Bluebeard.’ Bluebeard could be the abuser and the girl is the abused/victimized but who faces reality and bravely breaks free with support. It is told in fairytale form. It is our story. How we have broken free or trying to break free and trying to stay free and trying not to fall victim again to another abuser.

Here is a resume of the story:

‘The emotionally abusive man is often a pathological n********t, unwilling/unable to genuinely feel for anyone (including his own feeling self), although he can be sentimental and whiny when it comes to his own needs. Because he is disconnected from a nourishing centre in psyche, he always needs to put himself, his ego, into the centre of his own lonely universe. His alienation from the source forces the pathological n********t to more and more drastic measures. He violently seeks to pierce through to a reality that will finally support him. That often leaves a trail of blood and corpses, sometimes symbolically, sometimes unfortunately literally. Horrifying in both instances.

But our naive heroine, who fell for the deadly charmer, survives and Bluebeard is dismembered and dead. But if a fairy tale is a map, what do we learn about the right kind of attitude to escape Bluebeard? A few things stand out for me. Naive the young woman may be, but not submissive and obedient. She wants to know. Only her disobedience allows her to survive. She becomes a warrioress for life and lies to the liar. Like is cured by like. When she opened the door to the torture chamber, she truly sees. She does not escape into fantasies, as so many women in abusive relationships do, “It won’t happen to me, he really loves me, he will change”… and so on. Nor is she plagued by feelings of paralyzing shame for having been so terribly betrayed, (an irrational, but all-to-common response to abuse). When she sees, she knows, there is no more turning back.
Her willingness and strength to face the truth is activating positive masculine energies in her, which manifest in her ability to sever the ties of Bluebeard’s seductive charm. Bluebeard’s power is fading. His dismemberment has begun. Her own inner masculinity is gaining muscle, which the fairytale depicts in the sudden appearance of brothers who put an end to Bluebeard. As an archetypal force he will not disappear, but in the life of this woman Bluebeard has no more hold over her.’

[Ayanna]

When I was an abused child I wrote my own novels in order to escape the bleak reality.
I have lost that ability at some point as my life became so much worse and there was no more escape from anything.

Now I think again of writing. I want to mention the real names of the people in the novels and publish them and show them the middlefinger. Maybe a middlefinger as a book cover?

[determined survivor]

I experienced emotional abuse and stalking. I read Stay by Deb Caletti, and it really resonated with me. It helped me see that the way I was thinking and feeling in the aftermath was “normal.” I needed that affirmation. I have been looking for fiction books about abuse as well. I searched books about abuse, and came up with a lot. I read summaries and marked the ones that I thought I would like to read. I’m still working through the list.

[SilkyHalide]

There are a few books I read in recent years that I didn’t seek out but did reflect topics of domestic abuse. I think they helped me see that trusting your own instincts and feelings is always right. No relationship is what it seems on the public face of it. An abuser can make you look crazy to hide thier abuse. You can come through stronger than before. You can escape. You can free yourself.
I don’t want to name them as discovery is part of the process of enjoying these books and gaining the insight needed.
Some of these have been made into films, if you have seen the films they may not have the same affect as the books. Like with sleeping with the enemy the film never captures the length and depth of the abuse and how long it takes to get to the point of finally breaking free.
In one book the man is actually the abused but he doesn’t break free, however he does find a way to take back some control.

[Lilycat]

Hi folks,

Thanks for your thoughts and recommendations. I will check out Stay, especially.

I have watched part of the film ‘Single White Female’. The story, minus the knife attacks, resonates so much with me. However, the script and screenplay are sensationalist and are meant to thrill, which is not great when the psychological thriller is happening to you.

Kindest wishes

Lilycat x

[Peaceful Pig]

I was just hearing about the book ‘the girl on the train’ which is about to be released as a film too. I haven’t read the book, and I’m not sure if it would be positive in helping to overcome affects of abuse, but it’s good that the reality of domestic abuse is being shown so clearly xx

[Author]

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