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    • #7589
      Confused123
      Participant

      So this week i am trying to be strong as he should be (detail removed by Moderator), right now so mixed emotion from been strong to wanting to cry, getting mixed reaction from my family that they cant beleive i went through (detail removed by Moderator). My mum and youngest brothers r biggest motivator saying get justice for what he did to u, rest of family r like in shock mode oh u actually going (detail removed by Moderator) and follow this out. i could scream yes cause it did happen but they just look at me with this look but he was a ok guy we loved him, i really can not beleive family members why cant they just support me, its going to be bad enough with all ex family cursing me ….just dont know what to say, get days where i think omg what have i done, then i think but what did he do to me, i question myself do i just move on and let him get away with it, but then the question comes in my head what i went through was so bad and what if he does it to another girl, would that be my fault for not reporting , what if she doesnt get away, or what if i get my justice and his in jail i feel wrong for moving on with my life while he will be in jail,, prob overthinking like always but needed to get out, i just get days where i feel i have no right to be happy , his messed my life up but i feel like ive messed up , again prob me taking his guilt on….. advice ladies

    • #7590
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi xx

      Hugs and well done for making a statement. When I am in a safe place I will also be making a statement for historic abuse/rapes.

      I need to do it for my peace of mind, and closure. Wether it goes to court or not. He will know that I know it was wrong.

      We have to do what’s right for us to heal.

      Stay strong on your journey to freedom xx

    • #7598
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi confused, it’s a very emotional time. When the court rang to say my ex had been found guilty, I was ‘oh dear’ I was quite sad in a way, but then she said, well how would you have felt if it was not guilty! Well done for finishing what HE started. Yes, we are programmed to carry their guilt. But not any more. I got a nasty letter from my step daughter telling me I had destroyed our family! So some people are being manipulated, some people just don’t get it. Try and surround yourself with the supportive ones and don’t discuss with people who give negative response. My son more or less accused me of possibly sending his dad to jail but when I explained what victim blaming was, he seemed to understand. Keep that one up your sleeve. Say no to victim blaming x this aftershock will pass too. You’ve had enough of them to know but we bounce back much quicker now. How strong we are❤️

    • #7607
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      you are so strong KIP in the face of their blame which can be so painful. Who got himself jailed for committing crimes against a woman? hmmm…

      I get where you are coming from with the mixed feelings you have about acting in support of consequences for his actions, but I for one am really impressed that you are so strong to do this and not hide from it all. Its such a shame that having been so strong others would seek to undermine your decision, but what they see is so different to your experiences locked in an intimate relationship with him.

      Some show others what they are like, some kind of see it but don’t really realise, and others seem to be able to present this whiter than white image of themselves and paint us as problematic, dramatic, disrespectful, etc.

      There’s no set way, and often others will show loyalty to the abuser for many reasons of family bonds, and perhaps sometimes not wanting to see it for themselves, in denial.

      i hope you are doing ok and feeling a bit better him getting consequences for his crimes.

    • #7609
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      … just wish i could feel all that for myself, although on some level i do know that these people don’t know what he’s like at all, and that he paints the image of perfect father and husband and we’re all just impossible.

      I’ve just watched someone in court, a guy, who presented as such a calm and pleasant, open friendly relaxed person, but the lies and dodging that came out of his mouth, still whilst maintaining this air of lovely bloke were astounding. The judge was really on him as he tried to deny that a previous conviction was a conviction (even though he’d pleaded guilty to that and had to know full well!) – he wriggled and squirmed, but still looked so convincing. It was scarey to see it unfold, and i have to say i saw the same, he could not answer those direct questions. sorry, off on a big tangent there, but its easy to see in those situations how they get away with having such loyalties from others and its not always easy for others to unravel i think.

    • #7611
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi Karma, believe me when I say I’m not so strong at all. I’ve had to build my strength and endure his very painful retribution. Abusers just have no rules or boundaries. I just believe I’m playing the long game and it seems to be working. His lies are catching him out, every time. My exes lies were seen right through and it has given me faith in the system. However, I’m not going to worry about convincing others what he’s like. They will find out for themselves. As long as my friends and family know the truth (which they do). I’m moving on❤️

    • #7614
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      … and that there is strength KIP… go you! and you have the backing of courts and your friends and family, which helps a lot with the being strong too. its great you are moving on.

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