Finally Going to the Police and PTSD

[Tiredone]

I’ve finally plucked up the courage to go to the police. Well, I found out he has a record so I’m going to find out what that means. I’m guessing it’s not a couple of speeding tickets… I still feel really conflicted about going to the police. I am so scared that I’ll get into trouble or will be blamed or worse, they won’t believe me. I also feel like I’m being disloyal to him as it will be (detail removed by Moderator). I know that’s stupid and I owe him nothing after everything he’s done to me but I still feel compelled to protect him. I’m terrified that he’s going to find out I went and come and get me. Also, I don’t know if the police can do anything as he lives abroad now. Also, he can afford the best lawyers to get him out of any situation so do I bother saying anything?

I’m also worried that I’m going to have a massive freak out when I go to the police station. I couldn’t go on holiday so this feels like this will definitely push me over the edge. After a couple of you ladies mentioned PTSD to me a couple of months ago, I’m not pretty certain that I have it. I’ve been having lots of panic attacks, nightmares and flashbacks since we broke up (detail removed by Moderator). I either feel numb or overwhelmed. There’s nothing in between. I’m on edge ALL THE TIME!!!!!! I also can’t handle stress and I can’t go to places that we used to visit as a couple. This is going to make life difficult as my office is moving (detail removed by Moderator) and I don’t know how I’m going to pluck up the courage to go to work. I don’t want to quit my job but I can’t go to that area. I know I can’t rule out a whole (detail removed by Moderator) but it feels like the safest thing to go at the moment.

I spoke to my therapist about my symptoms and she confirmed that I had PTSD. I had to stop seeing her because I can’t afford her so I spoke to another counsellor through a charity and she said I didn’t have PTSD after our assessment sessions. She was trying to put words in my mouth and couldn’t remember anything I had already discussed with her so I don’t trust her opinion. This isn’t depression. This isn’t general anxiety. I feel like a completely different person. The old me would have been able to go to the police and deal with the whole situation without being completely freaked out. The new me is always drowning.

[KIP.]

Hey there, sounds like PTSD to me. Have you spoken to your GP? The police will believe you. This was one of my huge worries because he always said no body would believe me and it would be his word against mine. But guess what. He was arrested and convicted. Your local women’s aid or victim support should be able to help you with going to the police. Even rape crisis if appropriate. There is lots of help out there and the fact that he has done this sort of thing before just proves how right you are.

[Tiredone]

I do need to go to my GP but they haven’t been the most help. I asked for counselling and they gave me a form to fill out. I did as I was supposed to and nothing has come of it.

I went to the police station(detail removed by moderator). Was there for over 4 hours. I have to go back  (detail removed by moderator)to a different station to talk about the rape. I don’t know if I want to continue down this track. It’s getting very serious It’s a big thing to say. I’m still coming to terms with it myself. I know there were occasions where it did happen but I can hear his justifications and that makes me doubt myself. He always said I had a bad memory or things didn’t happen like that or that I made things up or I was being sensitive. With having to repeat myself with the police, the doubt crept back in and I am starting to panic.

Also, if it does go to court, I don’t want to be ripped apart. I’ve seen how women are treated when they try and speak up. I definitely couldn’t handle that. I’ve also seen what people say online about victims of rape and DV and it’s vicious. I don’t want to be the target of everyone’s vitriol.

Maybe I should just let it go? He’s going to get away with it anyway.

[KIP.]

I dont think there is a time limit for reporting rape so take your time. I reported my husband so that I could pass the responsibility onto the police. It felt good to get it out. He’s their problem now. It would only go to court if there was enough evidence to secure a conviction and you can remain anonymous. Yes it’s very hard and painful but I held him to account. Bet he didn’t see that coming. Hopefully my statement can back up another woman should she report him…

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