Finally

[Headcook]

I have a flat !!!!

OMG

I’m done with this

Hc

[Anonymous]

What’s going on? You okay????

[Headcook]

It’s all over

OMG

Hc

[Anonymous]

You know what I thought? I thought you meant you had a flat as in your tire on your car! LMAO!!! AWESOME!!! Happy dance here!!!! So happy for you!!!! You did it!!!!

[KIP.]

👍👏wonderful x

[Headcook]

Don’t no how I’m going to get through this

I’m not there yet still in my head
Well not consistently anyhow
There still time left here

My neighbour approached me yesterday and said you are not ok we hear !
I broke down
She claimed to have never felt comfortable around my son since we lived here

I’m wanting to ask her now how and why he makes her feel like this
I was in shock.

Hc

[KIP.]

It’s shocking to know other people see through their mask. Someone told me they found my ex intimidating. I shouldNt have been shocked at all looking back. But at the time I thought he hid it all so well x keep going. Light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t tell them what’s happening till you’re out and safe.

[Headcook]

It doesn’t feel real
I’m imagining all sorts will happen both now and when l leave
Feel like I’m doing something wrong
The silence is still happening with the partner so thats her and I done now for good
There no way back as it’s gone on far too long

It was expected I still paid for her food this week I went along with it making it known I wasn’t happy considering she can’t even have the decency to speak
I’m tired
Tired of him
Tired of her
Tired of this whole thing

Hc

[Headcook]

Just been beaten down again without a finger laid on me
All they do is wound me
Partners turn this morning out the door very early with grandchild no bye from child
I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus
I can’t stop crying
My support worker isn’t available I’m struggling with this ending
I’m leaving soon it’s all sorted
Why please why are they being so cruel to me

Hc

[Lisa]

Hi Headcook

Thank you for sharing the news that you have a flat, I am so pleased for you. Fingers crossed that you don’t have to wait too much longer.

Have a read of the Preparing to Leave section of the survivors handbook as this may help you. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Headcook]

Mmm What’s happening now
I’ve just been asked have I found a place what am I going to do
You need to sign a document that we are ending tenancy by tomorrow so proper notice is given
Why is he showing concern in me
Am I going to see him again when we all leave as it’s what he wants
Says I’m lying about not having a new place I’m to just say if I have
I’m not telling him I have
I’m unfair because I said I love him he’s my son but I don’t like who he is with me
Am I unfair ?
They are like 2 different people tonight
All on a high
Energy about them
Are they after something

Hc

[Headcook]

Please
Is he being genuine
I want this to be genuine him wanting me in his life
Can I trust him finally now this is getting near the end
I’m wanting to tell him I’ve found somewhere
I’m so confused
Can someone please try and explain this new phase I’m out of my depth here

Hc

[Headcook]

I don’t think I can go through. With this
The pain is to much
I’m so confused
Doubting what I have done and made a mistake
Been to rash Looking to move out
He doesn’t want to leave himself
Is this why he stopped talking when partner came in He needs me and I need him

How can I reach out to him again

Hc

[Headcook]

I’m wondering if him asking am I still going to him just him wanting. To still be able to abuse. Me from afar
It feels like this
Is this what he really means
So I’m being kept waiting in the.wings when he needs to vent to me when no one else will put up with this or because he knows I will tolerate this
I can’t have him risk my new place
Am I just going to be his dumping ground to keep his life intact with partner

Hc

[Headcook]

I’m just going to be supply to him
Keeping the door open

I’m just keeping quiet and moving forward with my plans

[Hazydayz]

Good luck to you💞

[diymum@1]

When someone is abusive no matter what the relationship they don’t want to not have control and someone to vent at. Your not there to be his punch bag xx it’s rubbish and I felt this too I was his punch bag xx stick to your plan then you can take back some control xx much love diymum xx

[Headcook]

Thank you both

I get so caught up in the moment every time
Believing what I’m told
I’m so gullible
Can’t see the wood from the trees
All because I love him
This isn’t love from him though it’s too painful to be love surely ?
I’ve never known any different this is true
My sweet little boy isn’t there anymore
I fought tooth and nail to keep this going for so many years
It’s all been a waste
My pain is agony no words are strong enough
He still obviously wants to control me when I’m gone and this is hard for me to swallow
The child makes this even more difficult for me to protect myself fully when I’ve left as I so want to be there in there life
How do I have this but protect myself from him
How can I soend time with them when partner is non speaking
Yet again much doesn’t make sense so many questions I don’t no the answer too

It’s like I’ve failed so badly

Hc

[Headcook]

I feel frozen in time
I’ve spent the day shuffling around like an old lady near the end
How do I shake this
Head hurts feel sick shaky and numb
Is this normal to feel this way
The only thing that can make This better is him
But he doesn’t love me !

I love him so much it hurts

Hc

[Hazydayz]

I know it hurts as a mum, but, You just have to go on and live your own life now, differently, from what it has been or how you held on hoping it would be. Try loving yourself and trying to make a new beginning, while you can! that’s all you can do! Now you have a real chance in a new home you have been offered at last, that feels right for you, you posted. Some do not have that! The future is yours…make it what you can for yourself, don’t worry about what if? Your not moving 1000’s of miles away are you! Good luck to you 💞

[diymum@1]

I know it’s totally heartbreaking and ye this is how your going to feel. It’s unconditional love of the strongest and it’s a trauma bond. I was the same I had no choice if you stay he will make you ill xx take one step at a time this feeling does ease up. You know he’s safe and you know where he is. He will be ok – you don’t know he might get a fright and apologise. You don’t miss the water till the well runs dry xx do this for yourself because u need to stay well to deal with this the best way you can xx 😘

[KIP.]

Looking to an abuser for validation never ends well. Perhaps now you can set some healthy boundaries. I lost touch with my adult son and I know just now it feels like you couldn’t survive without him in your life but it doesn’t work out that way. I’ve regained my independence and set my boundaries. Something I didn’t do before because I was traumatised with abuse. He knows he’s welcome on my terms. He still blames me for his dads arrest and fall from Grace. His dad brainwashed him into believing he was the victim. All I can hope is he sees the truth one day and the door is open for a respectful relationship. If it doesn’t happen I’m building a great life for myself. He will use anything you want against you and that includes contact with your grandchild. I don’t think his relationship will last long with his current partner so sadly contact may stop and it will be out of your hands. Protect yourself x

[Author]

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