Finances still a struggle

[Eve1]

Hello Ladies,

I often read on here but don’t post so often now, but today I am struggling.

I left my abusive ex many years ago. He was the ‘Water Torturer’, from Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that? It was a slow, undercover process, and we were together for many years, and have children, one grown up, one still in education. When I realised he was an abuser and nothing would ever change, I had to get away from him and couldn’t think about the financial cost. He was very financially controlling/abusive and I couldn’t fight him or stay connected in any way, so we sold the house and I lived on my share which of course wasn’t enough to buy a property and doesn’t last forever. I am now at least working part-time (full time was a struggle as my daughter has had horrible anxiety for a few years and I needed to be here for her, thankfully she seems to be doing much better now). So money has been tight, but I know that I just couldn’t do anything differently at the time, and we are so much better off in every other way without him.

A few months ago I realised that I was now old enough to access a small private pension ( that’we’ cancelled as soon as we had children. I wasn’t worth it was I!)and I took it as a lump sum. I had credit card debt to pay off, which took a big chunk of it and had a lovely holiday and that just about used it up. This morning I have had a letter from the tax credit people saying they see that my income has increased ( it has slightly increased at work, but it’s minimal) and they will adjust my tax credits. I’m now terrified that this is because of the lump sum and I won’t receive any tax credits at all. I can’t survive without them. It has just made me cry and I’m too scared to ring them and see what it’s about. I’m going to do it tomorrow.

It doesn’t help that I have got a terrible cold that I can’t shake off and feel ill and miserable .

Sorry to moan on. It just seems that I never get sorted financially.

Love to all you ladies

Eve
x

[freedomtochoose]

Hello Eve, what a lovely user name,
I am sure that many of the ladies on here will join us in supporting each other through the financial aftermath of domestic abuse.

Myself, experienced that thing that he took all the money out of the joint bank account and put it in his name only. Before we left. After that I had nothing – and he even had the cruelty to pressure me into paying him money.

The judge in court finally acknowledged I was due half of the house. I don’t want to go into detail and can’t here but ex insisted on an arrangement which means that I don’t even get that until another few years have gone by.

I understand that it is called the starving-you-out technique.

So, I had to get used to sometimes living on thin air, and making something out of nothing for my child and myself.

It is still difficult – when we first came here I had no furniture and no carpets on a concrete floor or anything. But I learned that what I had was the love for my child. And I learned that nothing and nobody was going to take that away. And somehow and somewhere both of us learned that no matter how little or much we had that was riches. Riches.

And my ex lost what was the most precious thing he could every have encountered in his whole life.

So. I am really sorry about the tax credits thing. I join you in worrying when something like that happens. But I am firmly of the belief that the Great Mother and the Great Goddess sends gifts to those who live with right intent. And you quite clearly have done this with compassion. So therefore if you don’t mind, I will send a prayer up for you, myself and every other woman who has to get by on her wits, her cooking skills, when there is little in the cupboard…every warrior woman who is brave enough to cross that bridge from an abusive man into freedom.

And also all those who have yet to make the journey. More power to your elbows ladies. Together WE CAN.

Thank you for posting.

It has helped me also. May blessings be yours.

ftc
x

[White Rose]

Hi Eve
Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment and I really appreciate how upset you are. Tax credits are cruel. A friend of mine had a pay increase that gave her about 50p a month more in her pay packet and like you was significantly worse off as it put her above the tax credit limit. She’s approached her emoloyer about reducing her hours by a minimal amount – not heard the outcome yet. Could you consider that? Or perhaps look to increase your hours if the work is there and your daughter is in a better place now (I really hope she is).
Sending love and a reminder to you not to forget just how far you have come xxxx

[Eve1]

Thank you ladies,

Ftc, I don’t mind at all if you offer up a prayer for me. That was a lovely reply. You sound wise and strong.

WR, yes, good to remember I have come a long way. Usually, these days, I can soon balance out the downsides by thinking that and knowing that I got us away. I think having the cold made that harder. I took the plunge and rang tax credits and I couldn’t get the details but it sounds as though the adjustment is being made on my small earnings hike, so it shouldn’t be too bad.

Thankyou again for responding. It helps to get support from those who really know what we’ve all been through.

Love
Eve

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