Financial abuse

[Chocolatebunnie]

My income is greater than his because my kids get benefits

He pays rent I pay everything else, he gets occasional shopping

He saves his money, I don’t know what he has in bank

He says it’s for a deposit for a house.

He has supposedly spent this now on a holiday for us, new tv and sofas.

Now these are treats I have responsibilities he only has one household bill and of course his own debts/personal bills such as phone car etc. I have these too.

I buy kids every thing he does on a rare occasion treat kids but I am the one buying clothes food etc

Is this just a normal arrangement or is it something else, he says he will help with certain things but unless I chase him he doesn’t pay me, or go hgrough with his contribution

[fizzylem]

Sounds like he thinks because you get more money you should pay for stuff to me. I won’t share a bank account ever again after the last time, I was also the highest earner, paid for everything, then he dropped his income. In the end it felt like I had 3 children, not 2 and a partner.

Partnerships sort the money out in different ways dont they, it has to work for both parties though, sounds like youre growing in resentment as it feels unfair.

Guess when I’m with someone I’m not really bothered about who pays for what, its all money in and money out and whats left over is spends and for whatever anyone needs – but I see now that he exploited this attitude; my generosity. In fact, you’ve just made me think I bet he thought ey up, this is good right from the start, as money was never an issue and I will always get my card out – I never tally whose turn it is.

Think you maybe need to talk to him about how you feel and see if you can change it up a bit to feel more fair. I cant stand a skinflint, he was one, eventually it used to infuriate me how he never took money or a card anywhere with him, then would say ‘sorry, I havent got any money on me’. I pity the woman he’s with now because he’ll be doing the same to her x

[fizzylem]

Dont know if you are already or not, but if I were you, if you are feeling unhappy this relationship, I’d start to squirrel some money aside, in secret, that you can use if you ever want to get away x

[KIP.]

I think there’s something wrong when there isn’t clarity and openness. What’s he hiding? Couples split bills differently but you should at least know what he earns. What the incomings are and the outgoings. I had my own bank account but I hid nothing from him. Likewise I could see what his earnings were. Try to ask to see bank statements and see what he says. Towards the end my ex took control of the account. Took my bank card off me and emptied it. Every kind of abuse gets worse over the course of the relationship x

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