Financial abuse after a long period out

[iliketea]

Has anyone had any experience of ex suddenly trying to abuse you again after a long period of nothing, keeping to the orders and acting normally? I can’t go into too much detail to explain the situation but the abuse is financial. He’s basically trying to blackmail me financially, my solicitor says I should just pay him off and get rid of him for good that way but I can’t believe that I have to pay off an abusive ex partner! It just seems crazy. Solicitor said that it will cost me the same amount to go to court to prove I don’t have to give him money, so better to pay him off and get rid of him that way. I don’t know where to go for help. Financial abuse never really gets talked about. These men can wreck your life and then try and wreck your life after you’ve ended it too in the only way they know how. How can I stop him having this power and control?
Any advice to survive this?
Thanks. x

[gettingtired]

Hello, I don’t have much advice on this one but I have been recommended a website called Surviving economic abuse. I’m not sure if Rights of women could help either? Xx

[Living Warrior]

I have experience of the abuse stopping and starting after periods of time- but not the blackmailing.
i cannot see how a solicitor would ever say pay them off – surely this would make him ask for more in the future?
i am not sure of the situation obviously- but my advice if you have not done so already is:

refer to womens aid- they can help support you
this would seem like harrasment to me so i would report it to police.
getting a non molestation order- as i am sure he is sending you horrid messages that you can use as proof of his harrassment. the non mol will stop him contacting you at all or being near your property- any breach ofter its in place will be taken to CPS for prosecution (and result in you getting a restraining order) i have done this.
report any message or threat to your local police- even if they do not investigate, once you have reported him once you will get a reference number- this will then be used to logg all incidents and will eventually show a pattern of behaviour. proving the abuse over the long term and helping you if things get worse. it proves escalation.

i would seek advice from a new solicitor because to me paying him off would be playing into his hands and give him more ammunition to come back for more money when he is broke next time.

i hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Hi Iliketea. This is a tricky one to help with as a lot depends on the exact circumstances which obviously we can’t know.
It may be that it is just harassment if so then yes police, Womens Aid etc or, if he is making a claim against you financially, then maybe your solicitor has a point if you are heading towards being taken to court??
Best I can do is give you an example from a friend (not me) My friend split from her partner. During the relationship, he had inherited items he didn’t want so gave them to her. Many months after the split, he surfaced demanding the items or their worth. She knew it was just harassment and a means of keeping contact. She was advised that she could defend any court action, but it would cost a lot and she would probably need to settle anyway to avoid costs. It would also give him power over her and cause her stress. Otherwise she could just return the items, or pay him off and get shot of him. She decided to raise the money and pay him off. It really upset her but she thought it was the best course of action.
I don’t know if your situation is similar, I am just making a guess based on the advice you have received. Sorry if I am way off the mark and good luck.

[Author]

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