Financial arrang

[Moonshine]

Hi there,
I’ve not been on here for a little while but pleased to say that I have not gone back on my decesion to divorce my husband after decades of emotional and financial abuse.
In fact, I have just applied for the decree nisi!
I’m trying to come to some kind of an agreement regarding the finances and home but boringly predictably he’s being as awkward as possible.
I don’t want mediation and I’d prefer not to go to court unless I have to and was wondering if anyone had managed to do this without resorting to court?
I’m currently thinking about making an offer to buy him out of the home incorporating child maintainance (detail removed by moderator)
I have 3 children but only one under 18yrs and was looking for your experience in how successful or not this has been.
He’s really paranoid, mainly because he’s been hiding his own money away for decades and hates to part with money.
I’m hoping that this will play a part in getting him to settle instead of playing games.
A y advice would be greatly appreciated x

[Moonshine]

Forgot to say that the children will all stay with me.
He is also still living in the house with us which is horrible, so he’s not really in a hurry to go. In fact, his behavior suggests that he still doesn’t think that I will divorce him!!

[Lisa]

Hi Moonshine,

Thank you for posting, it’s good to read that you’re moving forward. I just want to suggest The Rights of Women, as an excellent resource for legal information and advice around divorce and financial arrangements. They are a very busy service but it’s really worth trying to speak to them, as it’s so important to get legal guidance from professionals who understand domestic abuse. They also have some very detailed guides on their website, such as ‘A guide to financial arrangements after marriage breakdown’.

It must be incredibly challenging living with your husband whilst trying to separate, please be cautious and remember that abuse often escalates at this time. He will be aware he is losing control. Please consider calling the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk through your situation in confidence and go through some safety planning.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Moonshine]

Hi Lisa, many thanks for your advice.
I so want to have him out of my life and looking for the simplest and fastest way of doing this whilst not being ripped off by him.
Solisitor has strongly advised mediation but I feel this is a waste of time and money but I also know going to court will be longer and more expensive. Difficult to prove his abuse so really don’t feel I would be able to get an occupation order.
My job, school and family are all nearby so moving else would be problematic and expensive due to personal circumstances. It would also mean having a lot less money to buy him out with.

[Author]

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