Financial blackmail

[wishfulthinking]

Hi ladies. As you all probably know by now I have left my abusive husband very recently. He’s verbally abused the kids when he met them for the first time after I left, and then verbally abused me on the phone through messenger which I forgot to block him on.
I’m feeling really alone since leaving, mostly because all the support systems I had before I left, ie support worker, police, lawyer and social services have all decided to have holidays one after another so I’m struggling to get anywhere with my situation.
The main thing now tho is my husband is financially blackmailing me, as is he has said (detail removed by moderator), nothing for the children, nothing for me and he isn’t leaving the property unless I go and physically remove him, which I know is just one of his games to get me to see him because I have closed all other avenues.
The family solicitor who had promised me all sorts has been off and in just in limbo, especially because I had to fork out money to buy the kids new school uniforms and shoes because we have moved and nothing has been increased such as child tax credits. I thought single parents were supposed to have all sorts of support, financially and physically, but I have nothing. Luckily I don’t have to worry about rent or mortgage because I’m currently living with my family, but I still have to pay a share in the bills, but after the expenses today I’m feeling really deflated about my future. Especially if the lawyer can’t get my husband to cough up, whereas he’s just living his life as he did before, spending out of the business and without a house and bills to pay (he’s at his sister’s) he’s probably having the time of his life.

I feel so low. Don’t know what to do. The property is on my name so that stops me from getting any other kind of benefits. Can’t believe he’s trying to hurt me by keeping money from us because he’s just hurting the kids. I can live off my current clothes and shoes for years, but they’re still growing, and I have 5 kids……. What can I do?

[fizzylem]

Hi WT, must leave you feeling so stressed and angry. You clearly need legal advice. It cant be right what he’s doing when you have a shared business. It’s certainly not morally right, why would he not want to support the children? Sounds like he wants to see you struggle without a thought that when this happens so do the children – I can relate to this a lot; sadly, you’re discovering just how cold, callous and cruel he can be and how emotionally stunted he is. Decency just isn’t present hey. Decent dad’s make sure they are doing everything they can for their children.

Do what you need to do legally; have you contacted the Child Maintenance Agency? They can move pretty quickly, well they did for us anyway. I used to get angry about all the stuff he doesnt do for our child, but I decided to let it go, didnt want to have to deal with him everytime she needed something, especially as it often proved futile and his excuses adolescent, of course this also means he got what he wanted, and is off the hook with regard to the things she needs, but we manage, sometimes she has to go without, but we’re ok, and mums a better mum when not having to deal with him.

I also feel empowered sometimes for being the one to make it happen for her, whatever that may be, and the only one she turns to for anything she needs emotionally and pretty much most things – who is missing out here? As hard as it is to pull off sometimes, it isn’t me missing a thing, and I’m always there for her and she knows this.

You do have a lot of mouths to feed though for sure. It’s tough now but the finances will get sorted out at some point. You just need to do what ever it is to get through this bit and get past it. We all need money to survive and a bit more of it to live. When you’re struggling to get them the things they need, try to tell yourself you’re doing what you can so you can’t do anymore, and maybe try and spend some time just being with the children because this costs nothing and it is this they want more than anything. You’ll get by, you’ll manage, you’ll make it work, there will sacrifices and the need to be frugle, but you will come out the other side and it will get better. Hang in there x

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