• This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 9 reply threads
  • Author
    • #12237

      So my OH is in a lot of debt – £20k or so – won’t tell me how he got into the debt as its
      None of my business and refuses debt help, counselling or to cut up the cards.

      He talked me into borrowing some thousand pounds a few months back to help us move, but has now decided he wants to spend it on something else – something he wants but doesn’t need.

      For the first time in my life I’ve told him he can’t do it, and as I have the money in my account he can’t touch it. The sad thing is that I want him to have everything he wants, which is why I’ve never said no to him before, but if I give him this money he will blow it! I want him to be sensible and pay the money off of his debts and then cut up his cards – but he won’t do that either.

      Not sure where this is going to end – hoping I won’t cave in – but after being told tonight that if I loved him I’d give it to him (errr no!) and that I’m mean (grow up!) and him being sulky – what else can he do? I can’t return the money but I’m certainly not giving it to him to waste on something that won’t hold his value and that he will get bored of after a few months.

      Sorry for the ranting, feels good to get it off of my chest.

      TTMO xx

    • #12246

      My ex was like this. If he knew I had money he would make my life hell until he got it. My advice would be to get rid of it. Pay off your debts quickly but that money will drive him mad till he gets it off you.

    • #12252

      I would say RUN! This man is financially abusing you and he uses emotional abuse to squeeze every penny out of you. He has the potential to ruin your life. Get out while you can. x*x

    • #12288
      mixed-up mum

      My ex was useless with money too – when I met him he was almost 30 and living in one room about 3m square and had nothing of his own, but a push bike.

      When I left him I left him with a three bedroom house and everything in it – plus the car – I was just so glad to get away – I left him with it all…..

      When we were married I regularly had to say no to him – or we never would have had any money – he was the type if he saw something he wanted he just had to have it – no matter what the cost – no matter we didn’t need it – no matter we couldn’t afford it – he was just like a kid who saw the latest toy/game and had to have it…..he never grew up and never will – now hes on his own he spend his money on what he likes – and its still stupid needless things…..

      If he won’t tell you how on earth earth he has got in to so much debt then no way should you help him with this money you have (its safe, keep it there) – or it will go the same way as all the rest did.

      No matter what he say says DON’T give in to him – all this ‘if you loved me you would’ nonsense – rubbish – if HE loved you he wouldn’t have put you both in all that debt.

      Keep strong – no matter what – DON’T give him that money – time he grew up – faced his problems and stopped putting you in more debt.

      Take care.


    • #12325

      You can always pay it back early for a fee…..it’s a much better idea….he will trick and manipulate you into giving it to him. get rid of it. soon!

    • #12353

      dont give it to him hun, give that money to somewone else to look after for u, so u dotn give into temptation, do not let him know u have that money , think of yourself, these men leave us in debt to break us too

    • #12369

      Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice.

      It will be a cold day in hell before I give him the money! Luckily we have no joint accounts as he has always controlled the money so all the debt (apart from this loan) is in his name. I am so furious with him – he has suggested that I extend the loan by a further (removed by moderator) pounds, and he will pay half off of his debts and half for a new car. It’s not going to happen, and I’ve told him that. He has no access to my account and it would seem now that us not having a joint account has worked against him this time!

      I’m not going to allow him to get into even more debt for no reason, if he doesn’t like it he can do me a favour and leave!

      TTMO xx

    • #12425

      I’ve now found that he’s been looking for another loan as I won’t give in to him – Lord give me strength.

    • #12537

      hey hun

      yes please stay strong and dont give in to him, let him look at loans , dont let him get wind of your money

    • #12686

      Thanks Confused 123, I have surprised myself by not giving in to him. What makes it worse is that he knows the money is there, which means he has tried pestering me and making me feel bad so I give in – I haven’t and I won’t! He was saying  that I couldn’t expect him to drive around in the car he has – I said I did! Then , suddenly it has a leak and needs lots of money spent on it so he has to sell it as soon as possible – he must think ie as born yesterday! I have had mixed emotions all day – half of me knowing it’s all BS and that I’m being made a fool of and the other half of me feeling guilty for not believing him! I don’t think I can win at all in this situation.

      Hugs x

Viewing 9 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content