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So me and our two children have been to see Daddy this morning (my ex husband soon to be one day I guess), we all played happy families in the sunshine. He was on absolute best behaviour and was so pleased to see them. A few snappy comments to me I guess where the mask slipped slightly to show his real feelings towards me but nice enough too. But very much he is the victim in this. I’ve left him and I’ve taken his children. His parents really miss them. He’s not got anywhere lined up to move to when our tenancy on the house ends. He’s accepted the situation now so I won’t get anything more from him (I assumed he was referring to the threatening messages he sent). It’s all about him and how much he misses them and what he wants me to do now so he can see them etc. The visit wasn’t long enough (older one goes to nursery every afternoon), maybe next time Mummy can bring you to (where we used to live) at the weekend so we can have longer and we can do what we used to do together, lots of comments like that to our older child but for my benefit. I have said I want them to see him I just can’t live with him anymore but he was saying once I get sorted you can have your own bedroom and have two houses etc. Just stuff like that. He’ll be asking for some sort of shared parenting next!
Makes me so sad, angry, frustrated, resentful that he’s the victim and I’m the bad guy! He’s “accepted the situation”. Meaning in his head he’s accepted that I’ve run off with his children. No regard for why! Do they even acknowledge or know themselves?! He was Mr Charming and No1 Daddy today. And as usual I feel like I’ve taken 1000 steps back. But my oldest loved seeing him and that’s the main thing.
He was trying to get me to agree to take them all the way back to where we used to live in the next couple of weeks which I said I wouldn’t do again as it’s too painful for me, selfish person that I am. He said I’m sorry I’m reliant on you at the moment but I don’t have car seats and also that his parents want to see them. His Mum completely blanked me last time – I’ve known and got on well with them for (Detail removed by moderator) years – which was really difficult so I just don’t want to spend my weekend hanging out with all of them where I have just left and relocated. But I’m scared to leave the children in case he doesn’t give them back. I don’t think he actually would but it’s a reality I don’t want to test! He doesn’t appear to be ready for a regular formal arrangement but can I just request a court order specifying they are returned to me after any ad-hoc visit? Is that the way to go and then I can take them and drop them off to spend time with him and his parents and then I could pick them up a few hours later.
Ugh. It’s so horrible that it’s due to his bad behaviour we’re even in this situation and yet I don’t feel he really recognises that atall. Just rang me now we’re home to say something he’d forgotten and ended by saying really nice to see you all.
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It’s all one big game. Never ever let your guard down, it’s Gaslighting. Continuing like he’s done nothing wrong. Like he’s a victim. It’s confusing because decent human beings accept fault and blame. Do not give him an inch. If he wanted visitations he would get it sorted at court. Make it formal and have zero contact. When a contact order is in place you could drop them at his mums. You do not need to have contact, it’s toxic. I wish I’d left years ago with my son and refused contact. He’s already using your child in front of you to emotionally abuse you and it will only get worse. He is not your responsibility. Don’t waste your pity on him as he would destroy you in a nano second.
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Again exactly the same as you.
Today when I picked kids up after tea some of his boxes are packed and it’s breaking my heart. Why do I feel like this after all he’s done.
Seeing him with the kids makes me feel so guilty…..as you know mine has been on best behaviour since the split which is just makingn me doubt everything. Tonight he said to youngest (Detail removed by moderator) Just messing with my head.
Now I’ve got a (Detail removed by moderator) page note sent to me that I don’t want to open I just know it will be to tug at my heartstrings and I’m really close to going back…..feeling very weak tonight -
Enofadov, replied on other thread x*x
Kip, I find it so hard to take and to truly believe it’s all manipulation or a game or maybe some sort of personality thing or gaslighting. It’s really hard isn’t it to think this of someone you’ve loved for years. I keep thinking am I shoe horning him into things I read on the internet now when I recognise things that I’m reading, but why would I do that?! Unless I am crazy!
Xx
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