Finding it exhausting

[RavenEclipse]

Does anyone else just feel perpetually exhausted?

I think it’s the feeling of always walking on eggshells and waiting for the next explosion. I feel like I’m always in a heightened state of anxiety.

And even when he’s not around I feel like I spend every minute analysing everything and trying to unpick all the manipulation and gaslighting.

I’m just so tired!

[Denise]

Dear Raven Eclipse,

I feel for you so much. Just like you I walk on eggshells and am in a permanent state of anxiety. I am constantly trying to avoid anything that might upset him (it is exhausting is’nt it). It has got to the stage with me that my mental health is suffering badly. Do you feel like a fool, like me for putting up with it. Our other alternative is to leave. Why do we stay?. Why are we so foolish to stay?

Kind Regard,

Denise

[RavenEclipse]

Hi Denise

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.

I know what you mean – I feel like a fool too. I keep wanting to believe so badly that things will magically get better and he will be the person I thought he was.

I keep trying to remind myself that this is the cycle of abuse. This is part of the manipulation. But it’s not easy.

Sending you love

Raven xx

[nbumblebee]

Oh yes I deffo do.
Like you say even when they arent here you find yourself watching the clock wondering what mood they will be in when they return home. I even watch out the window when im having a coffee in case he pops home as he will moan that im not doing anything.
I drive nyself crazy all day long questioning ny memories questioning what he does and says is it me is it abuse is it ok?
So yeah sweetie you really arent alone xxxxxx

[RavenEclipse]

Thank you so much. I hate knowing other people are going through this but it does help knowing I’m not alone and it’s not in my head!

I do the same thing – driving myself round the bend questioning my memories, questioning whether it’s in my head or whether it’s all because of my behaviour like he says.

Sending you love xxxx

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
Oh gosh how I remember this so well. Just waiting to hear the tone of his voice to see what mood he was in and how I had to act to respond. It was so exhausting and draining , I could never be myself , I had to dance to his tune and still it didn’t help , this is the cycle of abuse x

[RavenEclipse]

Yes! The tone of voice that gives you an idea of the kind of day or week you’re going to have.

I totally empathise with what you say about dancing to his tune constantly and it still not being enough. I was thinking about this the other day – that the only way I would have a chance of keeping him happy is never leaving the house, never leaving his sight. And even then sometimes i apparently “give off a bad vibe” that makes him unhappy! I guess that demonstrates that the problem isn’t me but it’s so hard to remember.

Thank you so much, Cedar. X*x

[gettingtired]

It’s an exhausting way to live. I always felt like I had to keep myself busy, always making sure I was doing something (and never something for myself as that would no doubt be deemed as selfish). The only time I could relax was when he was asleep but even then I wasn’t really relaxing as I would anxious about what the following day would bring. The whole thing is just so anxiety inducing and I’m sorry you’re living through it. All I can say is life is so much better on the other side, it wasn’t easy leaving and I’m still getting hassle from him but now if I want to just collapse on my bed and do nothing then I can!
I’m not sure what support you have in place but it sounds like you’re aware of the cycle of abuse. Sending you strength xx

[RavenEclipse]

Hi gettingtired

Thank you so much for your message – I really appreciate your words.

It really helps knowing that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Sending love

Xx

[Gerbil]

Dear Raven eclipse
I too completely understand where you are coming from. I too am always on alert for his moods and what is going to “set him off”. I used to think I could work out what would annoy him but I don’t seem to be able to do that anymore. My anxiety levels are sky high because of this.
I am really sorry that you and so many others on here are also going through this. It’s no life and you are right ..it is exhausting.
X

[RavenEclipse]

Hi Gerbil

Thank you so much for your message. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this too.

I absolutely hear you – my anxiety is off the chart!

Sending you love and thinking of you.

Raven x

[Denise]

Hi RavenEclipse,

You are in my thoughts.

Denise x

[RavenEclipse]

Hi Denise

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.

Raven x

[Bananaboat]

Oh yes, but it’s because you’re always on high alert. You can never fully relax and your brain is constantly whirring second guessing. Not to mention, upsetting our sleep. Look after yourself as your body will get tired, I started waking up having panic attacks near the end. Hope you’re ok x

[Author]

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