Finding it hard to cope

[Mellow]

I’m feeling very anxious everyday I feel I know some of the reason being I keep researching (detail removed by moderator) and following things online .i know my attempt to heal may stop with all this but I feel like I need to know where I stand with me having children with him but I still have a lot of anger and resentment in my head he is back to playing mind games so sometimes takes a while to answer messages about the children .it’s the whole fakery of it.when we were together and he was calling other woman he did it in my face but it was like another person and I used to always wish I had that version of him I did not understand why he didn’t treat me like that and it makes me cry and my heart melt.sometimes I would run to my bedroom and cry and when he had finish he would come in and look at me walk back out as if I’d never been crying.
I just feel so sad like the conversation I would hear were general chit chat what she was doing for the day and a lot in their own language so I felt excluded but I could see the exciting smile on his face and (detail removed by moderator) and he would be chatting away like I’m nothing he would never leave the phone to help me do my chores or anything and the behaviour even got worse he would wait till I went to bed (detail removed by moderator)call his love interest (detail removed by moderator) I even pulled him up on it and he didn’t care the amount of disrespect sickens me I can’t get past it and I’ve no one to talk to about all this I’m left with all these feelings of how I was treated and I just want to move on why can’t the feelings go away.explaining to someone would make me appear crazy cause they have not lived it people would not believe it the abuse is so subtle to other but clear to me.i just can’t believe I went through that

[Weemebreeze]

Hi Mellow,

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through – I wish I had advice that could help you. It’s so difficult but you’re doing really well and being incredibly strong. I found my abuser did very similar stuff – I often heard him flirting with women on the phone or through work. He would be charming then come off the phone and be horrible to me – like a switch – turned on and off when it suited him. Sadly these men know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. You’re not crazy at all – so many of us on here can relate to what you’re going through.It takes time but things do get better in time. Keep posting and I hope things get better soon . Sending a hug x

[Author]

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