Finding it so hard to live with my teenager years after abusive dad

[anotherlife]

When will it get any better? My friends say I’m lovely and loving and a good mum. Every day with my daughter is like a kick in the teeth, any way to hurt my feelings, very few pleasant words, it just feels like it gets worse and when I can’t take any more, I just have to.

[Lifebegins]

Hi anotherlife

Sorry I don’t have any answers as to when it will get better but just wanted to share that I’m experiencing a similar problem, especially after my child visits my ex.

It really triggers me when they talk to me so rudely and disrespectfully. I put up with years of abuse from their father and I don’t intend to have another abusive relationship with them. The difficulty is that you can’t leave your kids so you’re just stuck in what feels a powerless position to make it stop.

I do think it’s an age thing and potentially the example of how we’ve been spoken to by their father that they are following. I’m bringing it to my child’s attention everytime they do it and trying to keep my cool rather than reacting to it. I’ve noticed that it happens more when my child has been to their dad’s and when they are under stress.

A part of leaving an abusive relationship I didn’t realise would be so hard would be the impact on my child. They’ve had an awful lot to deal with and I think mine blames me. My ex is a master at gaslighting, lying, smearing etc and unfortunately my child still has to still be in contact with him and listen to his rubbish. So I’m trying to be understanding whilst letting them know it’s not acceptable behaviour.

It does seem to be working as they’re being a little less rude but it’s early days.

Stay strong. I do think we will get there 💪xx

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