Finding My Way

[Rising Tide]

I’ve recently seen the light and realised that the annoying habits that I’ve been ignoring for years are actually manipulative and emotionally abusive. I had it in my mind that once he realised how he’s been treating me, he’d stop. But he’s not, instead he’s telling me it’s my fault. Even when his examples are measurably untrue.

So now I’m looking for a way forward. I do think marriage counselling is worth a try. I’m not so much looking to save the relationship, but hoping he’ll see that his behaviour is unacceptable and that his parents have been just as emotionally abusive to him and to each other. The whole situation is really a bit sad.

I’d love advice on how to choose a counsellor. I’ve been reading Why Does He Do That and generally aware that counselling could make things worse. Any suggestions on how to find someone who will be able to see his patterns of behaviour? My husband is the typical charming, pillar of the community type, so I’m nervous that will cloud a counsellor’s perspective.

Thanks for reading my story. While I’m sad we’ve all found ourselves in these situations, glad that Women’s Aid has created a place where we can support each other.

[Lisa]

Hi Rising Tide

I just wanted to show you some support. It sounds like you have made really good progress by starting to realise that this is abuse.

I can understand why you think that counselling is worth a try, but as you said this may not work out. He may use this as an opportunity to blame things on you and he still may not take any responsibility for what he has done. If you wanted counselling or support for just yourself you can speak to your local domestic abuse service which you can find here https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Good luck with everything,

Lisa

[Author]

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