27th April 2016 at 7:14 am #15477
Been to court, fifty fifty, as I had said from the beginning. Though he offered me more at the beginning I knew that wasn’t going to happen and he would denied it all.
My son went with him wasn’t surprised but it hurt.
He tried to hide some cash saying he owed it to our son. I could prove it didn’t but would have cost me more than if was worth to chase it. So my solicitor told his that we knew he was lying but to finish it today I would let it go. (god he would hate that)
Also the judge said that no way it should have gone to court. I thought I have been saying that all along.
He is still trying to control me by wanting it put on hold to the house sold but my solicitor refused.
Sadly he wouldn’t take any of my offers to get one of us out of the house. Control again. And if I just leave and don’t pay half the bills it will come out of my share of the house…. Was sure he would have jumped at the chance to be free of me….
But I feel that this is a big positive step.
27th April 2016 at 8:24 am #15482White RoseParticipant
Good news. That’s another step in the right direction.
Please don’t expect that just because it’s gone to court he’ll suddenly just get on with his side of the bargain. He’ll still want control and he’ll use all his tactics to wind you up during the next stage which he may try to drag out. But what he doesn’t realise is you are stronger than you were and won’t take any nonsense and there’s the bonus of a court document on your side!
27th April 2016 at 9:18 am #15491SerenityParticipant
Hi Falling Skys,
It’s so great that this step has been taken. You’re over an important hurdle.
In one way, it’s good that it went to court, because if he doesn’t abide by his part of the agreement, he will be in contempt of court. He’s not so free to abuse you.
If it were done out of court, you could bet he would be messing you around.
You’re getting there xxxx
27th April 2016 at 2:36 pm #15515
Thank you White Rose and Serenity
I have to make a full list of everything in the house as it was part of the settlement… I still feel he will take it, sadly I’m not sure why I said yes as I don’t want it and he ruins most things.
But a friend say the will help me sale it.
27th April 2016 at 2:47 pm #15517Confused123Participant
Just want to give u a hug of support for getting this far, hope u feeling ok
27th April 2016 at 7:18 pm #15548
I feel a little numb, looking round the house I really don’t want anything its all tainted but I suppose it will give me a start.
Also my heart is broken by my sons behaviour, I don’t know if I really even want to see either of my children when this is over.
28th April 2016 at 12:23 am #15598SilkyHalideParticipant
I was told I couldn’t get the money back off him that he hasn’t paid to mortgage! Unless it’s different because you now have an agreed split?
Can you Get a second opinion on this?
28th April 2016 at 8:31 am #15609
I will look into that, what the worse they can do? Agree that I would have to pay half the bills, I think its because they can take it out of my half of the sale of the house.
28th April 2016 at 9:05 am #15613SuntreeParticipant
I tried to reply yesterday but it did post.
Well done for the first step.
Now advice for the next.
Take photos of as well as writing things down with a date stamp on.
Make sure the house in insured.
Make sure you have private conversations with the mortgage company and let them know what is going on. Keep in touch.
Get a b****y good estate agent and keep them on your side.
Be prepared for him to stop paying the mortgage.
Be prepare for him not to agree to offers on the house or for the sale.
Be prepared for him to stall this as much as he can.
Be prepared you might have to keep evidence and go back to court to force a sale of the house.
Who’s solicitor got control of the sale of the house yours or his?
Make sure that all bills are taken out of the sale of the house first before the split of the money.
be prepared that you might have a very long hall and might have to go to court again to get back any money that he owes you.
Sorry I didn’t want to rain on your parade.
Hoping things do go smoothly for you.
As for your children, remember an abuser doesn’t just abuse one person, but you must do what is right for you at the time, never give yourself a hard time over that x
28th April 2016 at 9:12 am #15614SilkyHalideParticipant
That’s what I mean I’m in position he isn’t paying but I was told I wouldn’t get it back out of the settlement. I thought as I’m the only one contributing to equity now I would get that back out of his half. But told no that isn’t enforceable
28th April 2016 at 11:57 am #15627
Great advice, I took pictures last night and will make lists over the weekend, also recording if there is any damage or not.
My Estate Agent is being very good after I lost it with them for not keeping me informed also giving me 24 hours to make sure it is clean (as he is having a dirty protest)
I pay the insurance so I know that’s paid.
I know that he will keep me there as long as possible because I gave him four options and he wouldn’t take any of them. Sadly controlling to the end…
But one day I will be free.
28th April 2016 at 11:59 am #15628
It seems one rule for one and one for another, one of us must be being told the wrong information.
All about control…
We will get there one day 🙂
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