First admission

[Nomorenonsense]

Hi All.
I’ve been reading threads but putting off talking about my experience.I think I am still denying the level of abuse I was living with.It seems insane that I was living in a constant war zone but had grown so used to it that I excused it and felt it was normal.
My boyfriend swept me off my feet when we met (detail removed by Moderator) years ago.6 months of pure adoration,attention and excitement.I adored him.He had spells of self doubt and would often say I’d soon wake up and end things but I reassured him and told him I was mad about him too.It started making him jealous though,I would be quizzed about male friends and he knew every detail of my past relationships.Soon he had stopped me contacting any male friends,even my cousin,and in public I would get the third degree if I talked to any men we met.He asked me to choose female shop assistants/waitresses to talk to rather than male ones…
My nights out/time alone reduced dramatically.When I did go out I would return to two hours discussion of what I’d done,who I’d met or talked to.Then in the morning he’d repeat the questions,hoping to catch me out and get a different answer to the night before.I never lied but would always be accused of giving a story that “didn’t add up”I gave up socialising.
Things got better.With 100% attention he was fine,showering me with affection again.We had our first baby (detail removed by Moderator) years in,our second (detail removed by Moderator) years after.They needed attention though and he resented that,told me I was doing it all wrong and fussing over them.We fought constantly,over the children,his issues,him claiming I didn’t love him.As it escalated it Got physical.I was never scared though,thought it was a one off and convinced myself that he could never truly hurt me as he loved me so much.One night before a (detail removed by Moderator) we rowed and I said I was going to leave the house,not for long,Just To diffuse the tension.He blocked my way.Then pushed me to the floor.When I got up he pushed me harder.I hit a doorhandle on my way down and cut and bruised my back so badly it stayed (detail removed by Moderator) weeks.I called ndvh the next morning and changed the locks whilst he was at work.It hurts that it’s over and despite my resentment to him I miss him daily.But good god,Im free.Love To All you ladies on here,wherever you are in your journey be strong and know you are worth so much more.Xx

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome. Your story sounds so familiar to me. Have you been to councelling? I found that a great help. Please remember that what you miss is not the real him. It was just a mask he wore to trap you. The real him is a nasty self serving individual. I know it still hurts but it does get much easier. Try to stay no contact. Use a third party for communication via email or text so you have written evidence. Keep posting x

[Nomorenonsense]

hi,thanks for reply,no not been to counselling.It seems so bizarre even saying it out loud here on the forum.I knew it was an unhealthy relationship but I honestly didn’t title his behaviour as abusive until the split.I felt bad for him and his low confidence.
Where did you source your counsellor?Hope things are brighter Now Xx

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi nomore and welcome,

He sounds like a typical abuser with the grand over the top love bombing to the control, jealousy and eventual violence. I’m glad that you realised what he was like. I know exactly what you mean about how crazy it feels labelling it as domestic abuse, I was the same, I thought ‘my lovely boyfriend, abusive, that’s insane!!’ because I was really fooled by his mask at first. The pain of the realisation was immense.

It’s great that you recognised it and are now free. Have you had any support like the helpline or a local service? If you ring the helpline/local service or ask your GP they can tell you about domestic abuse specialist services like counselling in your area. There’s also the freedom programme/power to change to help you build yourself back and avoid these abuser types in the future.

[lover of no contact]

Hi nomorenonsense and welcome,

Thankyou for sharing your painful journey and realisation with us. Its a real shock isn’t it when we are discarded/rejected/put down/ subjected to silent treatment etc after we have been adored. But you were very brave to get out, its very painful to end the abusive relationship. Your experience will help many who feel trapped at the moment in that awful cycle of abuse with an abuser.

It would be good if you could stay around on the Forum and continue posting and sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences.

It would help you and us as well.

[Author]

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