- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 3 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
The guy that abused me I was with for (number removed by Moderator) years and if was his longest relationship
He told me he never hit any other of his past girlfriends. That makes me feel s**t about myself almost as if im dirt and I was the only one he did that to
-
First of all, do you believe him? Is there any way that you can actually find out whether this is true, I mean, have you got open lines of communication with his previous girlfriends? If so, maybe it would be time well spent to chat with them.
(removed by Moderator)
If you can’t chat to these ex girlfriends then I would be very wary about believing this. -
Also…and I’ve just thought of this because here I was getting caught up in the ‘logic’ of the abuser and actually responding by trying to prove or disprove his statement…
….when actually what difference does it make? Is this the way he tries to change the subject from his own behavior and blame the victim?
is this his way of saying it was your fault that he hit you?
-
This may or may not be true but I think the fact he told you that you’re the only one he’s ever hit was all part of his control. It makes you feel like it’s your fault and that there must be something wrong with you, which then keeps you trapped and confused. My ex used to tell me I was the worst girlfriend he had ever had and that his exes never behaved like me and would compare me to his friend’s girlfriends saying they didn’t do this blah blah. Looking back I realise how it was all part of his control and to keep my feelings of self worth and self esteem low. A healthy, kind partner would never compare you in a negative way to an ex partner like that x
-
what a strange thing to say to another human, as if that in anyway justifies his behaviour?! I didn’t murder anyone today but that doesn’t give me the ok to kill my neighbour tomorrow does it…
Sounds like he wants to make you feel bad, and remember he has to be the victim so will probably be twisting the story. You didn’t cause this, you didn’t deserve being hit and anyone who believes his version that you somehow caused it is NOT your person. Counselling can help with this x
-
He still talks to one of his ex’s sometimes so that leads me to think otherwise..
-
Don’t forget they need flying monkeys, for example my ex has vilified one of his previous baby mums and stayed ‘friends’ with another, why? Well he can say how nasty the 1st is to get his new supply or others to feel sorry for him and then say look I’m not the problem and what she says about me is all lies because I’m ‘friends’ with my other baby mum. It devalues the first ex and anything she says to manipulate his narrative. This is why we have to look at their actions, not their words. When you do that (in my example) he’s (third party incidents removed by Moderator) I.e. he’s the same bad guy doing the same actions just painted differently. In your case I’d put money on him having hit, intimidated or got very close to hitting or displayed other types of abusive behaviour to previous girlfriends. You did not cause this, promise x
-
-
I’d be very cautious about believing anything an abuser tells you. If he was capable of hitting you then he’s more than likely struck other people. An abuser will justify and blame others for his actions, it’s how they thrive. I’d go with no contact as it’s far more positive and you’ll also be protecting yourself.
Wishing you all the best,
Weather
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
