First post, feeling a bit scared

[Tiredandfedupofthis]

Hi, I’m new here.
I’ve been with my husband for almost (detail removed by moderator) years and we have 2 kids of (detail removed by moderator). Things haven’t been good between us for a few years now, and if I’m honest things have never been great.
But now it’s gotten to the stage where every day I’m walking on eggshells and wondering when he’s going to ‘kick off’ next. I will just clarify that he has never hurt me or the kids physically.
But I’m slowly accepting that what he is doing is mental and emotional abuse, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I feel sad, alone and depressed and worry this is going to get worse.
He’s always unhappy, always ‘stressed’, gets angry a lot with both me and the kids. Often over really small things. The kids get upset and I’m the one having the try and keep the peace. I hate having to say ‘don’t do that, your dad will get mad’ Or ‘you know he didn’t really mean it’ I few physically sick just typing all this!
I’m sure he knows as much as I do that our marriage isn’t a happy one, but he seems content to carry on like this. Probably because he gets up when he feels like it, goes to work when he feels like it, and then comes home late. Whilst I sort out the kids, including the youngest being difficult right now.
If I highlight his behaviour, he turns it round on me, says I only ever think about myself, I don’t care about anyone/anything, and I don’t ‘parent’ the kids properly. His way always has to be right!
He thinks I rely on him, which I think to an extent is true, because I don’t drive. I feel a bit trapped to be honest.
My sister knows what going on, and has told me to leave. I don’t feel like i can. I’m miserable, fed up and feel trapped.
Sorry I’m rambling but I just needed to let it out more than anything.

[ISOPeace]

Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Everyone on here will be able to relate to what you’re saying. The detail varies, but the nature of abuse is very consistent. So know that you’re not alone and you’re talking to people who understand.

Feeling trapped is totally normal. If our abusers couldn’t manipulate us into believing we’re stuck, they wouldn’t get away with the abuse. Seeing that it is abuse is the first step to becoming free from being trapped.

I’ll write a longer post when I have a bit more time later. Sending love xxxx

[gettingtired]

Sorry to hear you’re so unhappy. He sounds similar to my partner except we don’t have children. It’s got to the point I don’t complain about anything anymore as it’s not worth the potential blow up or him sulking/making me feel guilty. They won’t ever accept responsibility x

[Living Warrior]

hi hun and welcome.
i am too, sorry you are going through this.
i like yourself have been there. So firstly know you are not alone. This forum is a great tool. we pick eachother up when we are feeling down, we also have lots of knowledge between us to help eachother out.
So please if you need anything at all write a post, someone will know the answer or know where to look 🙂
I have posted many times with various information guides and links so please feel free to click on my profile and then forum posts it will show you all the posts i have started 🙂

i am out of my abusive relationship now with my children, has been a few years. I am living proof things get better, as are many women on here.

My advice is to do research, google “living with the dominator” by pat craven- i also wrote a post detailing the abuser characteristics that came from the book. women’s aid use this in an online course “the freedom programme” which helps people see abuse in their relationship. its an eye opener. i didnt realise how bad things where with me until i did that!

get in touch with your local womens aid, or domestic violence charity, some do courses like “the power to change” which helps you take back your rights in a safe way and helps you see how things can get muddled in your own head,

i was astonished at how i was brainwashed. ( and im a very independant, bubbly, confident person) i wasnt by the time i left 🙁

If your not happy, then there is something wrong. I can see you know that because you are here.
Well done for taking the 1st leap to getting your life back on track.

We do not make decisions for you, or tell you what to do, and we dont judge people for staying in these relationships. (i stayed in mine for many many years)
we CAN support you, we CAN lift you up when your sad, we CAN offer advice and tell you our own experiences of things we have done, or things we wished we had done sooner.

then you make your own choices, but we are here regardless. no question is silly, or too big or too small…
we are all in this together.
If you need any info please get intouch.
good luck
i hope this helps

[Author]

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