First steps

[Wibbles]

(Detail removed by moderator) I took the first steps to getting out. I spoke to Women’s Aid and the Police and I have left with the children to stay at my parents. I went back with my dad to get some more things and (detail removed by moderator). I think he must be in shock that I’ve actually gone this time as I haven’t had a torrent or abusive texts and he wouldn’t speak to me at the house, completely blanked me!!
He’s not asked about the kids or when he can see them so he probably thinks I’ll be back in a day or so.
What breaks my heart is the children. They want their house and their toys etc. Sadly he’s always said he would never leave the house so I’ve had to.
Tomorrow I will make more decisions like occupation or non-molestation orders, but (detail removed by moderator) I am safe at my parents in a bed again.

 

[Yellowflower]

Wibbles well done. You are so brave taking that step I know how hard it is. I’m unsure of your situation but your probably right he thinks you will just come back. Especially if you have left and gone back before. Stay strong and know you’ve done the right thing for your children. They deserve a life free from seeing their mommy abused. I’m sure he will find the house very lonely and quiet but don’t let him talk you back into coming home. If he loves his children he should give you the home and move out. That’s what a real man would do but these men never see it do they? You’ve done a very brave thing today be very proud of yourself❤️

[fizzylem]

Good for you W, sounds like you’re doing well and taking it one step at a time; hope you get the orders you need x

[KIP.]

Absolutely well done. You’re doing the right thing. Expect all sorts of reactions from him. His goal will be to gain control again. He may ignore you completely, playing the injured party, hoping this will make you reach out to him. He may play the victim and blame you for everything. He may promise the earth. He may threaten you. He may use the children and emotionally abuse you via them. He may promise to move out and look for somewhere else. He may get physical if you’re alone with him. Any or all of the above or even other reactions but they’re all designed to wear you down. Going forward. Make your own plan of what you want. Write down an end goal and stick to it. It might be to return to the marital home after getting him to leave. It may be finding a small place for you and the kids to rent meantime. Whatever you decide going forward has nothing to do with him so cut him out the equation. Once you are all safe and settled and you’re in a strong position. You can reassess. Try to get all communication done through a third party. Perhaps your dad? It can be done via email or text. It all feels daunting at the moment but you’re doing the right thing for you all. Lean on women’s aid and keep posting.

[Wibbles]

Thank you so much for your comments. I wouldn’t have had the strength without some of the advice on this forum. You guys are great. X

[Wibbles]

Still no contact from him. It’s not the reaction I expected, I thought there would be abusive texts and demands. Friends say maybe he’s shell shocked, he never thought I’d actually go through with it and maybe he expects me to go crawling back in a few days. My eldest keeps asking when he’s going to want to see them and if he actually wants to see them, I have no answers. 😢
All I can do is take it a day at a time and keep my support network close to me. I’m very lucky to have a number of people on my side and ready to help in anyway they can.
If I can do this, you can too. X

[lover of no contact]

Enjoy the peace; unfortunately it’s very hard to lose an abuser.

Well done! You are doing great! Keep posting, posting , posting in these early days

[HunkyDory]

You’re doing everything right Wibbles, well done taking this step, stay strong and keep your support close. We’re all here for you xx

[KIP.]

You’re playing the long game. Sadly when one tactic doesn’t work, they will try another. My advice is to stick to zero contact. It’s not for you to force him to see his children. That’s something he needs to want to do and work out himself. Concentrate on you and the kids just now. Get legal advice and stay strong. He probably still thinks you will cool off and go running back. Enjoy the peace n quiet while you can. It won’t always be like this and remember, doing nothing is always an option x

[Escapee]

Well done Wibbles!!! Be so proud of yourself!!!

Remember to be ready for the dreaded trauma bonding to rear it’s ugly head and know that the pull you feel and the emotions are not in your favour – remember why you left, read posts (it reminds you) and reach out.

Sending you love and strength xxxx

[Wibbles]

Thanks all. I went back yesterday when I knew he was out to get some more clothes etc. Later I got an text saying, (detail removed by moderator)
I’ve heard nothing.
The kids are starting to get more upset and worried because they don’t know why daddy hasn’t asked to see them yet. I know he’s trying to punish me but the only reason his behaviour bothers me is because they are so upset. I’m determined not to cave though. They will see it’s for the best in the future. X

[Author]

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