First time

[Azure skys]

Hi, first time I’ve posted on any forum, and first time I’ve shared my full story. Different people in my life know different bits, and maybe that stops me from having to face all of it. I’m still unsure whether it is abuse, but having read other’s experiences on here I think i probably am in a controlling relationship. I’d like to know what others think. I found out approx a year ago that my husband had been hiding a mobile phone and had been involved in cyber-sex relationships with other women – who he swears he has never met. The evidence I’ve seen doesn’t show that he has met anyone face to face. These ‘encounters’ have happened even when I’ve been in the house sometimes, supposedly whilst watching sport in the bedroom when a friend or relative has popped round to see me for a coffee and catch up. He explained it felt like he was punishing me as I wasn’t spending all the time with him. This disclosure ended with him getting very angry and throwing two hard objects at me, which caused bruising. I made him move out, which he took a couple of weeks to do. Since then he’s tried really hard to pick up the relationship again, and it’s been almost a year of seeing him and pushing him away again. Things that others have said in their posts ring true with me about our relationship. He has always pushed his hand into the back of my pants when kissing and groped my bottom when when we’re out. He moans when I move away and tell him I don’t like it. He used to complain about little issues such as too much use of toilet paper, wash tabs and electricity when he lived with me and my child. He makes fun of my cooking and decorating skills, particularly in front of others. When I’m not sure if I want to resume the relationship he tells me I’ll be lonely and miserable as I won’t find anyone else due to having a child and my demanding job. He always used to say I didn’t love him if we didn’t have sex in a few days. When we first met he didn’t like some of my couple friends and I now realise I allowed him to isolate us. I feel I’m at a crossroads about whether to try again or let it go, but having typed all this it confuses me why I would even consider having him back. I’m usually a strong minded woman with lots of independence and I have a responsible job. Why am I such a dithering wreck scared to make the wrong decision?

[Tired123]

Hi Azure Skys,

I also posted for the first time a few days ago so thought I would just say hello.
I am in the process of making plans to leave my partner and move out. Your post really struck a chord with me as I also have a son who is not my partners and since we moved in with him every day the moaning has worn me down. Too much toilet paper being used, shoes being left out, toilet seat not down – basically anything my son does he’s on his back for it. He needs to know what I’m washing every time I use the machine and lectures me about how much powder to use etc.
Years of this has worn me down as I feel I am constantly defending my son.
In fact all of your post rang true with me / the groping in public, the cyber relationships etc. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and like myself the uncertainty is probably due to the fear of making that final decision. In my heart I know it is the right thing to get me and my son out of this situation.
Take care xx

[Azure skys]

Hi Tired123, thanks for your response. It got to the point where I was prompting my daughter not to wind him up at meal- times, as what she did and didn’t eat also became an issue. Stay strong in your plans to move out. Me and my daughter have relaxed so much since it’s just been us two together. X*x

[Confused123]

HI Hun

I dont know who these men think they are, its shocking when we are so confident and capable of living on our own we let these men treat us like c**p, call the help line and look into ways of leaving him, my ex wasted my life for (detail removed by moderator) decades, what a waste of my life,u do survive hun and you are so much happier without them , living life without havign to step on egg shells is brill, take that step hun, a decent guy will always respect u . write down the pros and cons of been with him, u will find there are more negative things i made a list of things i liked about him and things i dont like , then i wrote how i would feel about myself if i left , the list was eye opener , he was destroing my life and me , the peace i gained after leaving is unbelivable, ive actually put the poster away after reading as it hurt me too much to read what he was doing but it was enough to read once and know i can do better , follow your gut feeling

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