11th September 2021 at 8:51 am #131327
I left a serious coercive controlling relationship (detail removed by moderator). Had to flee in night with my two children. Reported him to police but his behaviour after we left meant we went into refuge. Been resettled in a new area now for a year, kids happy in new school.
Police investigation resulted in NFA but (detail removed by moderator).
The court documents (detail removed by moderator) told him my children’s school.
We only communicate via solicitors, at first he said he wouldn’t use school info. Now (detail removed by moderator) he wants to contact kids school. Feels like a threat as I just asked him for child support.
I hate that he knows kids school and this morning all of me feels like running again. But that feels so unfair on my children and me, yet I am very afraid of him. He doesn’t accept no as answer.
Do I run again?
11th September 2021 at 9:06 am #131331EggshellsParticipant
I would talk to the police DV unit and the school before you run. You can ask the family court to prevent him from coming near you, your children or the school.
I think this is done through a non-molestation order.
Also check with your local DA charity. They all differ but some offer Installation of cameras and panic alarms for your home incase he follows you or your children from the school.
It’s definitely worth asking what cam be done to protect you all before you up sticks and move again.
11th September 2021 at 11:31 am #131337
Thanks for replying, having a bad morning, I have cameras and panic alarm, plus school very supportive and would let me know if he got in touch.
I think today it’s the weight of the reality of living like this. Always on edge and vigilant just in case. It’s exhausting.
11th September 2021 at 1:00 pm #131339Wants To HelpParticipant
You have done amazingly well to come this far and I am so sorry that you are on edge again due to the failings of an agency that has somehow let the personal details of the school get exposed, and therefore, put you and the children at risk of harm again.
Like you, I fled in the night with a suitcase and my child and left everything else behind and I also went to a refuge for a while. I know you have an awful lot on your plate to deal with, but could you deal with one more thing?
I would be pursuing who was at fault for breaching the data of the school details and allowing this information to get in to the hands of your ex. Whichever organisation allowed this to get through needs to accept responsibility and be held accountable as this is a serious safeguarding concern and has put you and the children at risk of harm again. Knowing what school the children are at gives him an idea of the catchment area you are living in and allows him to make enquiries in the area to find your home address. He could conceal himself near the school and follow you, find out what car you have (if you have one). You have done everything you can to keep your new location a secret following abuse and through no fault of your own you are at risk again.
At this time, this breach has not led to any further physical harm, but if it did, and anything happened to you or your children (and he was the cause), a serious case review would be held and any failings would be looked at and ‘lessons learned’ would be learned! It infuriates me that ‘lessons learned’ come after serious injury or murder, lessons can be learned from this now and you can be the instigator of this. You could apply for compensation for this data breach. Any money awarded to you would be helpful if you need to relocate again to protect yourselves. This is not about trying to get money out of someone just because you can, it’s about making a stand of how serious it is when locations of women and/or children are revealed during official processes when they have done everything they can to keep themselves safe from further abuse. This is not the first time this has happened and agencies need to ensure that identifying paperwork does not slip through the net.
Please consider how serious this is and perhaps not allow it to be brushed off with an apology and an alternative way to deal with things now. I do accept this will be a new ‘battle’ between you and an organisation (and your ex does not need to know about this at all – it would be a totally separate matter to your legal processes with him.) I know how tiring this can be as I had a similar situation where I took on an organisation during my DA process, but to be honest, by then, I was dealing with so many agencies and so many different courts, my attitude was “it’s just one more – bring it on!” The result was, I won! And I was compensated.
11th September 2021 at 1:51 pm #131342
Thanks for your reply. I’ll think about this. It’s more his behaviour now and feeling completely exposed which is absolutely freaking me out. Very difficult to manage the fear.
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