Viewing 11 reply threads
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    • #9392
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I am out of everything for several (removed by moderator) now. During all the court hearings and the harassment I forced myself to study and to function. I have more time now since the court hearings are finished. But I find it so hard focusing on my computer tasks. At the moment I have lots of work to do online. I find this extremely difficult. Also, I am very slow getting my personal things done. I have to make several phone calls. Making one every two days is good for me at the moment. Physical work is much easier for me. Does anyone else have this problem?

    • #9401
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi Ayanna

      While we have things going on we are on high alert and keep doing things to keep normality going on through the madness.

      Once you have got though it, its like your body can stop and relax. Don’t be hard on yourself you are doing so well and it will come back.

      Good luck

      FS xx

    • #9410
      SaharaD
      Participant

      I’m the same. I struggle to get motivated in life. In my head I think it’s because I think there’s no point in trying or settle goals because it all gets ruined anyway.

      I have a diagnosis of borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder.

      Combined with the effects of the abuse from my husband, my brain is scrambled. I just accept it now. I’m not in a position to fight it. All I have is time. I will take time, there is still a tiny bit of hope as long as I am alive.

      Patience is a virtue as they say.

    • #9414
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I look for another job again because in my current job they push me so much and the deadlines are too soon. I agree that I have to be patient with myself. This means a job with more physical work and lesser stress is on the cards. I wish I could take a break from working. But this is an impossible wish.
      SaharaD, did you get counselling?

    • #9415
      SaharaD
      Participant

      I work a job part time in retail. I started while I was in the refuge. there is a mixture of work that is physical and also that is more brain focusing based.

      I just keep trying and try not to beat myself up.

      I have no children to support and I know where to get free food. I live on my wages, tax credits, housing benefit and pip/DLA.

      I did get counselling for what my abusive husband did to me.

      If I’m honest every day is a struggle for me now.

    • #9420
      Ayanna
      Participant

      So sorry that you have a hard time too, SaharaD. I wonder how long it will take to bounce back. Or will we ever bounce back? I fled a while ago. The court hearings took forever and retraumatised me every time. I think, if I had just fled and never heard of him again I would be better today. But I had an extended time of excessive court hearings and was harrassed and that did something to me on top of the abuse that I had suffered.

    • #9423
      KIP.
      Participant

      Ayanna, I often think I would be much further along with my recovery if I hadn’t involved the police. But the other side of the coin is he would walk away and never be held accountable. Any contact is toxic but things will get better. Court, police statements, I gave over 35 hours, and there was always a terrible emotional trauma afterwards, but I think of other women who get strength from us. I know I was inspired by women on here to speak up. Onwards and upwards. Good riddance to bad rubbish🌷🌷

    • #9427
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI

      I totally agree with KIP, maybe our recovery would of been faster if we didnt go through with the trials, but then why should we let these monsters get away with what they did to us, this is why the cycle keeps continuing, we have to encourage each another to report these men, i too get so much support from u ladies,and its with your support i am brave enough to get justice for what he did and to let him know he cant do that to ladies, so hang in there hun, yes im the same sometimes the simpliest job just cant be done, u just cant focus, but they if we got this far we will get there in end , think so much has happened it takes time of our brain to take it all in and process

    • #9437
      Eve1
      Participant

      I feel very much like this at the moment. Partly because of going back in antidepressants. Yesterday I got the wrong date for an appointment for my daughter, which has messed things up for today. And I’m looking for admin work and saying how good my attention to detail is!
      I’ve thought of doing ‘easier’ jobs, but I don’t seem to get them. And for now the ads make me feel a bit weak too.
      I agree that you should give yourself time and patience after the ordeal of court. I didn’t go through this but it sounds very hard.
      Best wishes
      Eve
      x

    • #9505
      lilbbysprout
      Participant

      Hi,
      Finding this post is comforting to me and makes me wonder too if this is an effect of an abuse? I have been thinking that it is just me but perhaps it’s others too. I’ve found that after leaving my partner, I am slower with absolutely everything. If I have phone calls I have to make, it takes a day or two just to make one, and then I can only handle one and must wait for the others. I respond to texts a day or two later because it takes so much energy just to answer one. And it’s not exactly because I’m depressed- I’m up, out, reading, drawing, being active. Tasks just seem overwhelming! I don’t know the solution but I can relate! Best wishes
      x

    • #9548
      Ayanna
      Participant

      It feels so much better to not be alone in this!

    • #9562
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Yes me too. Confronting him in court was exhausting and brought back nightmares and all sorts of horrible worries and thoughts. I think I cried for two full days and after that just couldn’t seem to function at all and have waves of anxiety. I don’t think its abnormal at all. I was worried I was numb and could show no emotion anymore but when I was there it poured out of me and left me totally exhausted.

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