FORCED CONTACT

[KIP.]

no contact has been my saviour but my husband won’t agree finances insisting that I take him to court. Forced contact. I need a non harassment order, which he will object allowing him back to court forced contact. I have no orders in place now since bail was lifted and he’s already using our adult kids. He’s pushing boundaries and I fully expect him to make contact soon. Just finished a long criminal case. He was found guilty. I feel like I’m a sitting duck, just waiting on things kicking off again. It must be driving him crazy that I refuse any contact right from when I blocked his calls and texts, which was terrifying, but worth it.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Hope everything going with the case, again making u go to court so it will cost u more, but with these men thats the only way, show him u will take him to court to settle finances if nothing gets sorted through solicitors, im doing the same having no contact and letting solicitors deal with him, its costing me but this is the only way i can have things settled

[KIP.]

Hi confused, it worries me because he would sell the shirt off his back to financially cripple me. My solicitor says I can sell the house to pay the legal fees!! Exactly what he wants. He could easily end this now by agreeing to be bought out but he’s insisting the house get sold. He’s relentless. Just need to get my confidence up enough to start this ball rolling.

[Ellen b]

Hi can’t you get legal aid I didn’t have to pay full costs for my court orders

Xx

[KIP.]

Hi Ellenj b, it’s not the cost that worries me as much as having to be anywhere near him in court. He gets to read what’s in the writ then can tell all the lies he wants. It’s just making me anxious having to go near him when every fibre is telling me to run. It’s awful how the court brings you back into contact with the very person you’re terrified of and who has a conviction for assaulting you. The alternative is to wait for him to kick off again👿

[Falling Skys]

Hi KIP,

I don’t know about court but if we went to mediation we could have been in separate rooms and shuttle service. (thats the person over seeing it going backwards and forwards). Also with your medical condition can it be taken into consideration.

I’m having to go to court too because my abuser wont go to mediation,they are a nightmare…

FS xx

[lover of no contact]

Hi KIP,

Serenity in another post mentioned ‘The Gray Rock’ Method of dealing with abusers, Pychopaths, Sociopaths and their ilk. I googled it and its really helpful. Its for dealing with those who refuse to ‘let go’ when we want to go ‘No Contact’ with them but can’t due to children and the courts. I found it very helpful.

Its good you’re aware that in his madness his long-term aim (by prolonging court case)is for you to use up the equity in the house. A plan could be for you to be clever and find out how to limit costs. For a start keep the correspondence to a minimum, don’t get into their games of sending claims and counterclaims back and forth.

Maybe decide on a budget YOU want to spend and stick to that. Stay in control of the court dealings. You don’t want to get in debt or miss out on holidays etc because of HIM and his silly games he wants to play using the courts.

Keep posting and reading the posts, more enlightenment will come and maybe some other posters experience will help. Don’t panic, all is well, you are free, he’s just wanting to keep abusing you post separation and its always usually the finances and the children, their only means that can really get to us.

[Ayanna]

Not sure whether you really need solicitors. Wait until he takes you to court. That way he has to pay. Get all info that you need for your case. If he takes you to court get a video link and refuse to talk to him. Only talk to the judge. Always emphasize that he abused you and you are too fragile to cope with his presence. Write a letter to the court that he abused you and you are unable to endure his presence. You can even make a complaint to the court if you feel they do not consider your situation appropriately. If possible get a letter from GP that confirms your fragility. In court make sure there is a financial order by the judge that everything gets divided fairly. Fight for your assets. Take what you can get and end it. If you lose money so be it. Aim for a quick finish and start life again. Dont do mediation, it leads to nowhere with abusers. It is a waste of time and money. It is better you present what you want at court.

[Author]

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