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I am away but still terrified as he played on my worse fears! I am sorry if any of this is horrible, but I’m struggling to understand. Knowing my fear of seeing dead people, I was made to look at photos on his phone of (detail removed by Moderator)! Knowing my fear of fire he would purposely leave cooker rings on & go out, I’d come back to them red hot. Knowing my fear of speed as (detail removed by Moderator) by it, he drove like a maniac terrifying me. Knowing my fear of being scolded, shouted at he did it on a daily basis the last few years – I behaved did what he told me buy daily without telling me the rules changed. My fear of my son being killed (detail removed by Moderator) I was told (detail removed by Moderator) He played & tormented daily on each & everyone of my fears, he’d watch films that were to be honest vile, brutal, death, killings the most wicked forms of violence & get furious I didn’t want to watch them! He would put on porn again quite vile porn then tell me I was abnormal that that was normal. He knew my fear of homelessness yet threatened it all the time, I had to do as I was told because if I didn’t he would always punish me. The silent treatment lasted up to 2 weeks, until I knew I had to comply or the consequences would be vile! Even in that 2 weeks he would make it impossible to communicate anyway! When he decided to calm down he would always after no food in the house break the silence by saying shall we go food shopping? I so live in the shadows of a very sick man even though he is gone. I have awful flashbacks of all of the many years he tortured my soul & that of my sons now an adult not his son though. I am more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life of what we’re before him my fears! He just intensified them to a point of new white extreme fear in me x
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Sorry again typing errors he terrified me to extreme fear on every previous fear I’d ever had, always telling me I was pathetic, over sensitive, not normal, the more I fell the weaker I got, His abuse intensified to such an extreme level by the time I left I was completely broken & barely functioning as a human anymore. x
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Have you read about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? After I left my abusive relationship I suffered dreadfully from this. The two years after leaving was worse than any two years I spent with him. At least with him, after the abusive periods came a calm love bombing period of respite. PTSD doesn’t give you that peaceful break. You need to work through it and get all the memories and nightmares out of your system. That’s where therapy really helps.
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Hi Kip I have got ptsd with him there was never love bombing in any description my honeymood period was just short brief periods of no scalding, no criticisms no bullying tactics a few short days of retrieve that’s all. You are right I feel so much worse than when actually there, at least there I could gage his moods, that’s sounds utterly crazy I know, the flash backs are vile. x
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My ex was like that too, Blueberry.
They prey on your vulnerabilities rather than try to comfort you. They think it’s amusing seeing others quake in their boots.
My ex used to like to push the boundaries of respectful behaviour. He’d behave badly even at funerals, make a mockery of important events, watch films that I found distasteful and shocking and very dark, and he’d enjoy making us feel at risk. He’d take us on very dangerous roads in his home country, which looking back put our lives at risk- like he enjoyed the thrill of putting us in danger.
They are nasty pieces of work. It’s like they like to ‘play god.’
The reality is that they are cowards deep underneath. The one time I saw my ex sweat was when on a plane, especially at take off and landing. His palms were soaking wet. Terrified of dying, I suppose. Liked to think he was immortal. Couldn’t handle the thought of his glorious self extinguishing.
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Hi Serenity Yes I know you are right he was a complete coward & often his Behaviours resembled that of a 5 year old, throwing tantrums for no reason at all, I can remember many occasion he was so cruel, his behaviour was totally out of place, like when my closest friend suddenly died, when I cried He scolded me, telling me I’d better get used to it she was dead! And yes the amount of near tragic car accidents that could have killed us were uncountable! His favourite scare was on river roads, He knew my son couldn’t swim, I remember sitting in the front passenger seat son in back shaking & thinking if we go on that icy cold river how do I get us both out alive x
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My ex new all my vunerabilitys and used them against me. Iam a very sensitive person due to my past .its (detail removed by Moderator) since I left iam in a much happier place now .it’s been hard work but it’s been worth it
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Hi IamFree, I’m out (detail removed by Moderator) too, I’m so glad I eventually found the courage to leave, however the aftershocks have been quite severe & It has been the worst (detail removed by Moderator) of my life x
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These men are clearly all cut from the same cloth, as mine used to do all of this too, purposefully try to scare me. He knew I was very sensitive and hated violence and deliberately tried to get me to watch violent films, then acted annoyed when it upset me. Despite me telling him repeatedly that I hated violence he put on a violent computer game then snapped at me when I asked if he could play it when I wasn’t there, but I realise now he was doing it on purpose as he knew it would upset me. He also used to drive too fast which I am assuming was on purpose trying to freak me out. He also used to do things to hurt, upset and scare me then be ‘my rescuer’ which at the time when I was in denial confused me. He provided the pain then the comfort which kept me trapped for a while before I realised he was the reason why I needed to be comforted!
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that we are very empathetic, kind individuals who dislike violence and these men lack/have no empathy and compassion for others. They seem to get a kick out of doing things to hurt us, I guess they also feel powerful knowing they can have that kind of effect on our emotions.
Either way they are evil creatures totally undeserving of us in every way. Have you got therapy to process all of this Blueberry? I am writing things down daily, using art therapy, have found a support group and am looking for counselling as like you I am haunted by it all and need lots of outlets each day. I’m hoping that eventually it will haunt us less as time goes on as long as we process what has happened to us in a healthy way.
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Hi Sunshine Rainflower, I haven’t had one to one therapy yet but it’s coming thank goodness after over a years wait, I did attend a group councelling 12 week course that specialised in dv/abuse, I thought it was helping but actually at the end I had everything hit me all at once, the realisation of just how severe his abuse had been for many years. I kinda dread one to one as desperately want it, need it but scared too it will make me fall deeper again. I’ve been told that I probably did the 12 weeks course too soon after leaving I did attend it straight away x
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Iam currently in counciling through victim support they have helped me so so much ..what i cant get my around is .the the police made me out to have a mental illness. I have ptsd i never trusted men. I just gave them the benefit of the doubt .my ex was the worst ever. And got away with his actions .
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Hi I am free I had contacted the police too, and they made it alot worse. I like you have ptsd yet they like to say you have a mental illness. I am 100% sure I do not. I would not wish what they put us through on anyone yet at times I think the professionals who do not listen to us, but listen to abusers & others who do not get it, that maybe rather than learning From a book or just simply presuming, if they had a real life taster they’d know just how vile it feels with an abuser & also the aftershocks which are worse than when with them.
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I admit I have depression. But my ex made me so much worse by using my past against me ..evil evil ..but iam happy i left the parasite
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Hi IamFree I am so glad I o
Left too. I am not afraid to say I have severe anxiety depression & cptsd, he implied & s
Still does that it was me all my fault, we had major outside trauma too, abuser abused on top. In the end I’ve had to ask specialists was that a major trauma? there ever many too, life threatening one’s at that, our abuser would rant angrily “It’s you your too sensitive, you need to get your mental health sorted out” He made me & my son a million times worse with our anxieties x
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They are evil abusers who prey on our vunerabilitys. I trusted my ex with my past… he would provoke me to get a response out of me..till i went crazy …. and iam to blame because ive not dealt with my past…
And he’s walking free ..
Nah love does not hurt …
He thought he would destroy me ..nah its just made me stronger…-
Hi IamFree I admire your courage, I see I wish I could stay stronger, hopefully one day I will be. I also had previous abuse he played on, he knew exactly what my weak points were. X
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I remember my ex bragging he made nurses in the hospital cry when they were caring for him. And psychiatrists too. He had one of our counselors completely convinced of his point of view. These people are master manipulators. Whatever makes you most upset, they use against you. Shake you awake in the middle of the night to accuse you of something, intimidate you in public or while driving, whatever hurts you most, in words or deeds or both. It is a struggle to cope with the aftermath.
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Could be describing huge parts of the monster in charge of me right now…these ‘men?’ are definitely all suffering from identical bully traits. We were friends for (detail removed by Moderator) before I got with him and how I didn’t see ANY of his odd behaviours until I got into a relationship with him is astounding – he played a blinder – had me totally convinced he was a ‘good, nice, decent person’ of which he is NONE. (detail removed by Moderator) Number one on their list of abuse -‘Keep her in fear and on her toes at all times – do not take your foot off the gas ever, then up the anti when she least expects it…’
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Hi Ilovemusic, I pray that you are able to get away from your abuser. Living in fear 24/7 is traumatic & has a huge toll on our physical health as well as our mental health. I look back & as hard as I tried to hide how very weak I was, everyone started to notice, I was then deemed this weak woman that somehow he was justified to put straight & keep on order. I only wish now, somehow I’d have managed to secretly record all he did do, somehow get proof of the vile hunan being he was. Xx
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