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Since I left I feel like I’m really suffering emotionally but it gets to the point I’ve forgot what happened I know I definitely was abused but it’s like it’s gone on that long my mind dosent remember it all unless I am triggered. I can’t even explain it properly unless I’m in a certain mood to talk about it and sometimes I can’t explain the abuse properly especially since most of it was emotional but I know it was wrong and that I minimised it as me and a friend were talking about break ups and sadly I shouldn’t have done this but I realised after I thought that my friends break up was nothing compared to what I put up with.and because he gaslight me in the relationship I’m finding healing much worse.i loose my memory a lot and have to check notes I’ve written to check it did happen (detail removed by Moderator) this has made me doubt myself I know I was abused and I find myself trying to over explain to people about it like making things in simple terms .my story has never changed
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It’s trauma, our brains do a lot of crazy things to protect us. I’m exactly the same, if we remembered it all we wouldn’t be able to function and live our lives. If it helps you could keep a trauma journal to write in when you feel triggered and read it over it when you are doubting yourself.
It might be worth trying to see some CBT/trauma therapy with your local GP so you can start processing what you’ve been through and fully move on.
Sending strength
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Hi Mellow x
I’m still in my marriage but my memory, concentration is awful . I think things are horrendous and decide to leave then things calm down and I think I’ve over exaggerated things . I used to write a diary early days and was reading some of it last week and I can’t remember some things happening but know I wouldn’t lie in my own diary … but I always end up feeling sorry for him 😥
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Hi Mellow,
You’re not alone. I have experienced this particularly towards the middle and especially end of my relationship, and I think it’s a combination of: a) our brains blocking it out because it’s too traumatic to handle at the time, and b) some of it not registering in our brains when it’s things that are particularly commonplace. For example, a lot of the verbal abuse my ex hurled at me is gone from my mind, simply because it happened so much that it was too commonplace to remember specific events.
I’ve been writing down things that I can remember before they too maybe disappear from my memory, but it may also be that as time goes on and we start to heal, things start coming back to us at points where our body and brain can handle it, because they sure as hell can’t when we’re in the midst of the relationship!
Sending hugs xx
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I too gave forgotten when specifically happened then get jolted with a memory or feeling. Specifics are lost now. I know I have been but lost specifics and confusion.
It’s normal I have been Told to do this in trauma, and certainly can relate to this.
If you are on medication, some of them cause forgetfulness. See your dr about that.
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