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Hi All,
Hope your all coping as best as you can..So reading through your posts I discovered the last bit of abuse, I suppose to me my mind needed that last bit of reassurance (although I really knew) to convince my doubts…
So I went to look at a private flat.. that belongs to a friend of a friend.. this flat needs a lot of tic, decorating and airing as there’s a lot of damp.. I thougjt there’s too much to do..Although in my mind I had already moved in..
I thought no at 1st, but I had a nice feeling about it… it’s old too.. lopsided floors, but it could be home..
I thought about and thinking it was big and could be nice once I’ve put my stamp on it, although it will take months..
So what the heck I’m gonna go for it as long as rent is ok, but tbink it will be…
I look at him, Mr nice guy again and realise that it’s all part of the abuse..
But all the support In the world could not of been as much help as you all have been and reading all the posts on here.. so I’m sending the most biggest hugs to you all…
Don’t know when I’m actually going yet, but I am…
My DA support worker has finished now, I coukd of done with another 6 months but I suppose it’s hard as others need the help..
But you all have been and are my strength.. without your support and words I couldn’t of got this far..
X*x -
Oh goodness I can’t believe what I am reading!! This is unbelievable good news Woolly!!!! I’m so incredibly happy for you jumping up to the roof!!!
Can I tell you? you do sound much more relaxed, at peace somehow, honey I hope the rent is decent and if not you negotiate it the heck down, it will be okay, take the place, make it your own, it will be beautiful, gorgeous, with your things in it, with no-one to destroy you or your things, you’ll be free darling!! Yes ! 🤗About your support worker, I am sorry she is no longer by your side, it’s time to switch to another kind of support; counseling.
And here of course, keep posting, always.Do you know how you will leave? Do call the helpline to organise a safe plan okay. Keep safe until you are well out of there.
Sending you bigs hugs honey well done well done 💕😄
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Wow. You describe it so wonderfully and once you put your own stamp on it, it will be a warm safe loving sanctuary for you. Don’t underestimate your own ability. You’re stronger than you know. I got some old pine furniture and upscaled it with cupboard paint in two tone and it looks fab. Start a secret collection of colours and materials and picture of rooms you like. We need to stand on our own two feet and that’s scary. The thought is scary but the reality is freedom to choose. Freedom to thrive 😃
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Amazing news. How lovely it will be to have a safe and peaceful home to call your own.
I agree, this site is truly amazing. It’s helped me through some very dark days of late. I’m not out of the woods yet but I wouldn’t even be this far without the posts and support on here.
Let us know how you get on.
You’re almost there. -
Gosh Woolly, you sound so strong. There’ll be no stopping you when he’s not there dragging you down or wrecking your head with his horrible one minute/nice the next behavior. Peace and Calm are in the near horizon for you..so pleased for you. Even if you take this place for now just to get away from him then you can take your time looking for another place to live if the damp is too bad to live in long term. The main thing is to get away from him ASAP.
You’re doing wonderful despite all your recent setbacks and huge losses to be ploughing ahead.
Onwards and upwards.
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Hi All, thank you for your replies they help so much.. I think finding that last piece of the puzzle of abuse for me took a lot of doubts away… I see his abuse especially the nice part clearer now… don’t get me wrong my head is so ill still, but I have something to look forward too..
The flat, is far away but not too far, so it’s still in my comfort zone for driving and not beung too far away for me to visit my girls and vice versa..
I think all the work it needs is quite exciting, like I’m building my own home/nest of comfort to feel safe..
A home… safe and free..
Sending hugs.. x*x -
Ah Woolly – well done you – go girl! So happy for you.
I have been looking at flats and found one I loved but it’s quite far (only (detail removed by moderator) mins drive) from where I am now and my comfort zone so I’ve talked myself out of it. Also it is in the countryside with not much near it apart from other houses and I’m worried my daughter won’t be happy there….however I’m also conscious it might be good to be further away from my husband….it’s so hard!
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Hi positivelyempath..
Awww I know what you mean, everything just needs to be right..It’s like we’re full of anxiety, stress and illnesses.. The last thing we need is to be adding extra anxiety as it will be hard enough when we leave ..
To me it fills nearly everything, and it’s going to be hard for you and your daughter, I see if there is public transport and maybe there’s a village hall that tend to have things on for the children.. but it will be different for both of you.. but exciting to maybe discover new things you both could do..lovely walks together maybe..
It’s hard to find just what we want, especially when we’re leaving our comfort zones..
But a new life of freedom awaits you both..
X*x -
Woollymammal
thanks for your supportive words – it means so much
Yes I feel like I need to be 150% sure on any decision, I just can’t seem to make a decision. The house is beautiful, has a really nice feeling about it but it is literally miles even from the nearest village or town hall and you can’t really walk anywhere from it… it does have a lovely duck pond and communal gardens but then everything else would be a drive…however it is in my price range and nice and others I’ve seen in areas I would like to be in are awful inside and not just cosmetic work but like kitchen falling apart etc and I know I would feel depressed there…..so maybe the compromise is that I need to drive everywhere but my home is nice? NOT SURE!! EEK!So happy you are getting out….you guve us all hope x*x much love xx
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Hi positivelyempath..
It’s took me 2 years of finding as much information I could, but as they all change tactics so often it’s meant to confuse me, I’ve learnt a lot just reading posts on here, and all the kind ladies answering some questions.. I had one last bit to add to the abuse that was a constant doubt to me.. I came on here and read a post about covert n********t..I actually think he’s got covert and overt in him.. in the answers, was my answer..I have no doubts now.. although I am I’ll from the abuse, I look at Mr nice guy and know how good an actor he is..That the “I love you’s” are not real love but what he, my abuser thinks I want to hear… love bombing as he’s sensed someway that I’ve slightly changed..
Keep learning, keep coming on here, and keep searching for the right place for you and your daughter.. I didn’t think I would.. but it’s all coming into place now..
Sending hugs x*x -
OMG Woollymammal – I have been doing the same research and think my husband is also the covert and overt….so many things ring true and I’ve been reading up on it for weeks….I think its a complete head fu**. I also have the love bombing etc….it’s exhausting. Mine is extremely controlling. Do you have kids?
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I think that’s what is so confusing, and when you discover that others have suffered similar abuse it is such a help and your doubts start to fade..
He’s very controlling too, but when he’s Mr nice, he’s so convincing..
I have older children from my previous marriage, I thank goodness I hadn’t had children with him..
I’ve got what I call my fur babies and he’s abused those too..X*x
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