Found on social media and terrified

[springhope]

(detail removed by Moderator) years after leaving an abusive partner (physical, emotional and financial) and trying to forget, hide and heal, he’s just contacted me via an unknown third party on messenger. I feel totally traumatized-I was forced to give up my home and he’s now there demanding answers to my past wring doings to him. I do not owe him anything (he left me tens of thousands in debt) but is telling me that he did so much for me. My worst nightmare has come true. I can’t think straight. I feel like I can never escape from my experiences.

[Watersprite]

I’m so sorry you are going through this how completely awful. What a pathetic man to start again now. As you say you owe him nothing. Block and if he finds other ways report to police for harassment and keep logging until they act. Does he know where you are? Please do gentle and soothing things as you come back from those awful days to the free life you have created for yourself. Take care x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Springhope

Well done you for getting away from him! That must have been such a shock to your whole system, and I imagine all the awful memories and feelings come rushing back. Try to take some time, like Watersprite said, to gather yourself, you don’t have to respond, he has found you online but hopefully doesn’t have any idea where you are living and there is nothing on your SM to tell him anything about you, or where you go, so you remain safe in that sense.

I would block him, but the trouble with SM, is that anyone can make another account and contact you through that, so it may be that you would have to get your current sm deleted and start a different one? or come off it altogether for a while?

You can also report him on most sites, for harrassment, and keep copies of what he’s written to you, to show to the police if you need to, as evidence that he is stalking you. I hope that you have also been able to block the third party.

I hope you can shake him off quickly and easily.

warmest wishes

ts

[springhope]

Thank you so much for your responses. I think you’re both right-it’s the shock after such a long time and the sheer panic that he will always have a hold over me in some sense. The first couple of years after I planned my escape were literally looking over my shoulder and then as I built a new life gradually feeling less worried. I think it’s the personal details (and unfinished thoughts that he talked about in his message that have upset me-it wasn’t just a hey how are you (although that would also be awful). Instead it showed me that he still feels anger towards me. Domestic abuse is truly a terrible thing because it can influence you after years of silence. Thank you again for your replies-I will find some strength to deal with this.

[StrongLife]

I’ve had this happen recently. Sorry it happened to you – it’s very confronting.

Ignore him and third party. Block and don’t reply. If he is violating order. Report.

Regards

[New Angel]

Exact Same thing happened to me. And feelings are intense! I’m fully triggered. I came a long way in healing after loss of home, business, mental health and financial credit in tatters. Everything looks dark and all I’ve done is cry. So for support and not to feel like a crazy person I joined this forum today. I feel like he will NEVER leave me alone so researching on how to get a restraining order and take my power back as this inner fear is immobilising me.

[Author]

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