27th January 2016 at 10:21 pm #8493Winterblues2Participant
I ‘ve been attending Freedom for the last few weeks and am quite an active participant. I feel I am getting quite a lot out and due to the focus on different behaviours I am remembering a lot of the little things that would effect whereas usually its the more physical incidents that get remembered.
Anyway, as you know I have a new partner who I have known for a few years. We have been together for coming up to a year and he is amazing.
We had a mini tiff the other night and he was really good but I found myself over questioning his behaviour and trying to place it within the ‘Dominator’ or ‘Friend’ categories and really struggled to trust my judgements.
I know he is not an abuser, he couldn’t be any further from it but enviteably he will do things that trigger memories of my ex. I worry that as my judgement was so wrong before (although I think I always knew something didn’t feel right) I cannot fully trust myself.
We have now devised a code word for if I feel scared or intimidated so that he can recognise my triggers.
Has anyone else felt this?
27th January 2016 at 11:18 pm #8495AyannaParticipant
I do not dare to say about any man anymore that he is not an abuser. My experiences, the Freedom Programme and all what I read made me extra vigilant. I see abusive behaviour everywhere. Most men are abusive in the one or other way, unfortunately. Men have been programmed for countless generations to dominate women and the women allowed this to happen. They all have hidden agendas and they let them out when they think they are safe to do so, i.e. when they think they have trapped the woman. Be on your guard, it is a very sneaky process. The fact that he gives you triggers is alarming in my opinion.
31st January 2016 at 8:35 am #8687SadandconfusedParticipant
I don’t trust myself either and I don’t think that I ever will. I have fought so hard to be free and to keep my children safe that I don’t think I could honestly be with another man again. That is the honest truth even a few years on. I hope that you have found a good one but as Ayanna says please be careful and if you are seeing triggers or have doubts don’t be afraid to listen to those thoughts either..
31st January 2016 at 9:05 am #8692Winterblues2Participant
Hi. I am currently doing therapy and discussed this very openly with my therapist. She said that it is likely that freedom is retraumatising me as the behaviours that triggered me were my boyfriend sulking after I went against an agreement we made and then apologising. As if been to freedom that day I attributed this to the bully and the persuader and panicked. He was wonderful when I explained this and sat the other side of the room so I wouldn’t feel intimidated. When I said he could sit closer he let me hold his hands to reassure myself that I was in control.
My therapist said that it is inrealistic to expect a new partner never to sulk but she did say his behaviour afterwards was very understanding.
She thinks I may have the beginnings of ptsd hence the triggers
31st January 2016 at 9:08 am #8693SadandconfusedParticipant
That would make sense. I haven’t been on Freedom yet. I have read all of the books which have helped a lot but due to work and childcare I haven’t been on the actual program. I guess part of me is afraid that I deal with it a little too well now because I distance myself from what has happened in my head. Maybe to acknowledge it would bring out all of those same feelings that you are experiencing too.
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