Freedom is on the horizon but I'm scared..

[Ariana]

Hi….
I have pretty much reached a moment of clarity and am leaving as soon as possible.

After (detail removed by Moderator) years of existing in a complete miserable cycle and feeling I havnt a choice on what happens in my own life I have seen the light. No more.

My husband has a complete drug and alcohol addiction and it’s getting worse. I have found stuff in the house which my 2 young daughters could have got their hands on and he just shrugs it off and denies it’s his

He disappears all night after saying he’s going to the shop and has been doing this for years.yet if I want to do anything it’s questioned and there’s a huge row about it and I’m made to feel really guilty and pinned to a time I’ll be back. We recently went on a family holiday and he did the same on a few occasions disappearing all night and coming home drunk in front of the children falling around.

The other issue is he has a very scary aggressive way about him he shouts and swears in front of the children has in the past smashed things up in the house and broken toys. Woke the children up shouting and won’t let me have any space during an argument and followi g me from room to room never letting anything go until I admit fault or tell him I’ve forgiven him and then expects sex.

All this has just become too much but I’ve been terrified to leave and been manipulated into believing he might change and that he loves us more than life itself so I’ve convinced myself I can’t leave because that would be unreasonable.

To cut it short I’m planning on leaving one day when he’s at work to another town and staying temporarily with a family member but we are scared of what he is capable of and that he’s a dangerous character. I know I can call the police if I feel unsafe but can u ring them before hand just to report how scared we are? Just so he’s known to them? In confidence? He is a very violent with other men and a very intimidating aggressive man. He also has a criminal record and has been in prison in the past for non violent offences. Any advice is greatly received

Xxxxx

[Tiffany]

I believe you can. I didn’t, and I am hoping that some of the women who did will reply and give you an explanation of the process. Try ringing the helpline and getting their advice on it if not.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

Definitely ring the helpline and your local DV service, they are very experienced at helping women leaving violent and dangerous men and can help you create a safe exit plan. I know some women begin by putting together a bag of important belongings like passport, identity docs, any children’s documents, somewhere where he can’t find them.

It’s important that you don’t tell him your plans for your own safety. Just act normal whilst making a plan. You’re not being unreasonable wanting to leave at all, that nice act is all just manipulation. It is not right to feel scared of your partner like this. As well as you, like you said he is putting your child in incredible danger by leaving drug paraphernalia around.

You can ring the police any time, but it is probably best to time it so that you are safe and away from him but see what the others say. Keep a note of all incidents with dates and times if possible and details as it will really help when/if you report him later. The fact that he’s already been to prison will probably go in your favour as he has a record of criminal behaviour. So sorry you’re having to deal with this, keep going.

[KIP.]

I would definitely ring the police where you are going. I was given a police marker where I was staying which means that if he turns up your call will get priority and someone will arrive quickly. Speak to domestic abuse police officer as they have specialist training and are much more understanding. Once you have time away from his bullying and manipulation you will see just how dreadful,and dysfunctional he is. It’s the FOG of abuse the Fear Obligation and Guilt that keep us there. Without that we would walk away no problem.

[Author]

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