Freedom programme

[Aliceinwonderland]

Hi there,
It’s been a while since I posted on here, I am still having regular therapy which is helping me to deal with my ex and past traumas that I hadn’t really dealt with. I have read living with the dominator and gone through with a high lighter-it is scary how many abusive things he did and said during the relationship. In January I am due to go on the Freedom programme and I just wanted to know what to expect and whether or not it will be good for. I have been single the longest time since I was a teenager, I have realised I am scared of men. In case they do what he did. I started having a crush on someone who was taken but he has over stepped boundaries and giving lots of red flags. I don’t plan to act on it but I always seem to attract a certain ‘type’ of man. What should I expect from the freedom programme I have been out of the abusive relationship almost a year. I’m worried I will look stupid.

[freedomtochoose]

I haven’t been on the Freedom programme, but did similar programme locally.
I found it at times gruelling (because I was facing up to things I hadn’t faced up to before) but at the same time very very useful and helped to get me out of the isolation I had felt.

I didn’t know about this forum then, (wish I had). When I started the programmes of course I felt like I was the only person on the planet that these things had happened to. Through being in the group I realised that wasn’t true, and really appreciated the women and the trainers. Would do such a programme again if offered.

all best
ftc
x

[fridges]

Hello, Aliceinwonderland,
I did the freedom programme, as an extra thing to help myself. The therapy to one to one is working better for me. In my programme, the leaders were good, nice women. You have the opportunity to speak to other women, to hear how to overcome the past things, you feel less isolated. It was a big step for me – to come out of the house and be present among other people. For a long time – I have been isolating myself and there was the time, I can be out from the house only once a month, I would just not be going out. I started to be less scared of men and remind myself, I would not just let things escalate, neither I will tolerate the abuse, neither I will be silent if someone does not the right things and is disrespectful, abusive, pushing me, try to frighten me.
In the new man if you see the red flags, listen to your inner voice and follow it. If you keep attracting certain type – means you are not healed, you are not fully transformed. By transforming yourself I mean – to look deep inside you, what was the reason why you attracted the certain type. They exploit our weaknesses, our traumas, our fears in order to control you. Embrace who you are, think about changes what you would like to do in you and in your life. To be out from my pattern with abusive men – I need to change myself, so I will not be finding myself in the repeated situation, just with different men. It is like the scenario is the same, but faces are changing. Being out – I realised that how much danger I was putting myself with both of them, should be grateful that I’m alive and should try to do the best to reestablish what is broken. I can never be the same person, but I can create a new version of me.
Wish you all the strength and dedication to transform the pattern of your life. By noticing that this man is not good for you, or he shows the red flags and his behaviour belittles you or destabilizing you, choose yourself over him. The more choices like this you will be making, the more empowered you will become and your self esteem, respect will grow.
And next time when someone like him appear in you life, you will make an easier choice – thanks, have been there, no need of this c**p, does not serve me anymore.
Choose only people who bring good emotions to your life and people who treat other not well or you, do not deserve to be in your life.

[Aliceinwonderland]

Thank you FTC and Fridges, I know I am unhealed but seeing red flags this early on is s good thing. Thank you fir reminding me I need to choose myself I nearly lost my sanity with my ex and I believed it was all my fault. I can’t risk losing myself again as my children are the only important thing to me right now. I think I will try the programme I have supportive friends and family but it still hurts after everything, they will say they like him. He was often drunk, abusive, controlling and put the fear of god in me, after throwing hot drinks on me. He had everyone convinced he was this nice, charming guy. He only showed his nasty side to me. I’ve had about over 20 sessions of therapy to confirm I’m not mad as he convinced me I was unstable. I am happier without him, but I don’t want to be on my own forever.

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